I've been pushing myself way past my limit the last few weeks. I'd been also picking up his slack cause he had 2 bad injuries,
The other night I could barely move and hadden even been able to get food. I asked him to throw together a sandwich for me and he lost it. He started yelling about being married to a cripple and other crap. He went on to yell how it's because he hates seeing me limping around and knowing how much I hurt. He ended up in a full blown temper tantrum.
He then went quiet for a couple of days. I know he is bipolar, though it's undiagnosed. During this time I was due for my Humira and Obviously couldn't ask him for help. I tried to do it myself. That turned out to be a totally flop. I know it was starting to help but the symptoms come back full a couple days before I'm due for the next dose. Now I need to deal with the pain for 2 weeks til the next shot.
I am furious with him, though now he is going on like nothing happened, and angry at myself. My legs are burning and both my hands and legs don't want to cooperate so I am annoyed about that too. And Just to complete it, not to happy with boss's attitude either.
Thank you. Yes, I just needed a shoulder to cry on and needed it to be were he isn't known.
I am amazed I managed not to go off on him. It wouldn't have helped and would have made things worse. He seems to have completely forgotten but I can't do that. I also know he can't cope with his own feelings.
I know I love the man but I have kniow idea how to handle this
sybil said:
I doubt I've got anything helpful to say so just letting you know that I hear you and can pretty much imagine how bad you feel about your husband's outburst and attitude. I expect you posted primarily as an outlet so I hope just writing it all down and knowing that others will be feeling for you has helped a little at least.
I know what I'd do - I'd probably flip, and probably make it worse before it got better. Everyone deals with stuff like this differently, I'm sure you have some kind of an angle on it already. I used to think I'd adjusted to PsA but I've probably got a way to go on that score and the limits on emotional energy are one of the things I find hardest. It's harder to deal with conflict when you are feeling crap and I find that undercurrents and arguments can take longer to sort out than they used to. Be kind to yourself Robyn.
My husband is now diagnosed and mostly on medication (see my other post about this). If you think that your husband does not remember, you are probably right. It is onto other things for him and since he is over it he probably doesn't think there is anything for you to feel bad about. If he is generally a good guy who can empathize with your condition when he is having a good day or days, then I would suggest bringing this up on one of those good days. You may have to do this many times before he gets help. What I found most helpful is communicating what transpired in a non blaming, emotionally neutral tone, such as: 'I know that you may not remember this, but on Tuesday you said some very unkind and harsh things. I don't want to get into any blame, I just want to let you know that I am concerned because it is so unlike you to talk like that...'
He may have no real awareness of what he is putting you through. Even though he bit your head off, and even though that is not ok, I would avoid personalizing his behavior and try to approach him from a place of love. You may have to wait a bit until you feel it. There are no quick solutions or easy answers with mental illness. I find that I have to be pretty self reliant emotionally to be married to someone with this condition. Find others who can give you support and take good care of yourself so that you can have realistic expectations with your husband.
If he really is bipolar, then he will have a tough time with stress, and it sounds like you both have more than enough stress. I am available if you ever need help.
I have tried talking about it after the fact other times. I either get "it never happened" or a totally revised version that he is stuck on. If I try to push it, it will just set him off.
When he isn't "off his rocker" he is the sweetest man. I have other family members that are bipolar so I'm not just throwing it out there. He won't discuss that either cause "shrinks are all quacks"
Friends with knowledge say he may also have high functioning asperger but of course he would need to be tested for that too.
I have to think that people screw up their humira injections pretty regularly. Can you call the doc and see what they will do to help you get another dose? Don't wait 2 weeks.
A happy marriage is the Union of two good forgivers. The Humira folks are good forgivers, they will replace it. I gotta tell you your husband sounds more like a man who is deeply in love with his wife and is so pissed off that he can't "fix" everything that needs fixed, hes at the end of his rope far more than he is bipolar. I'm sure there are other incidents that leads you to say that, so I'm not denying it. Just take it from another man, he's acting the way a man acts when frustrated. Including - denial the what the H are you talking about routine
FWIW I can assure you injecting you with the Humira is 10 times harder for him than you. I'd find a way were I you.
I try to believe that and will forgive him. I just get so frustrated that I can't depend on him when I really need him. I would think if it bothered him so much he would do all he could to help alleviate my pain.
My daughter said she can administer the pen to pen to me. I can hit the button but reflex has me let go as soon as it stabs me. tntlamb said:
A happy marriage is the Union of two good forgivers. The Humira folks are good forgivers, they will replace it. I gotta tell you your husband sounds more like a man who is deeply in love with his wife and is so pissed off that he can't "fix" everything that needs fixed, hes at the end of his rope far more than a bipolar. I'm sure there are other incidents that leads you to say that, so I'm not denying it. Just take it from another man, hes acting the way a man acts when frustrated.
FWIW I can assure you injecting you with the Humira is 10 times harder for him than you. I'd find a way were I you.
I have led men into combat and been involved in more than one hand to hand battle. You would think a man would do everything he could to save himself. Its one thing to be paralysed by fear, I've seen that, but survival takes over. Where I saw men needlessly die is trying to decide what to do. I was the medic for our jump unit. I have literally been patching a guy up with one hand while shooting a bad guy with the other.
I don't even want to tell you how it went when our brand new son (he was nine) came in from a bike wreck needing a couple of stitches. I got over it but it took a while......... A couple years anyway.
Men do not act the way women think they logically shoild I have spent 40 years trying to get the Mrs. Lamb to be logical. simple things like using a kegerator for an endtable or installing a Pizza oven and chicken broaster during a kitchen remodle escape her. I have given up.
I have sewn thousands of stitches, but I couldn'put two in my own son.. I have poked myself hundreds of times. I couldn't poke own wife without being a quivering mas of protoplasm..
Making you a sandwich is admitting he can't fix you. Thats pretty simple logic too.
I hope you're feeling a bit better, Robyn. It's amazing how people respond to chronic illness--the sufferer and the support network. Lamb has pulled back the curtain on the inner workings of the male of the species. Frankly I'm fascinated in a David Attenborough animal documentary kind of way! I won't weigh in on the response of your hubster because only you and he can resolve what's going on within your marriage but I will say that learning to hold your breath and stick yourself with the auto injector pen will help relieve some major stress for you, for him and for your daughter.
I guess that makes sense in a worped sort of way. Though that doesn't explain why he does things that will cause more pain
tntlamb said:
I have led men into combat and been involved in more than one hand to hand battle. You would think a man would do everything he could to save himself. Its one thing to be paralysed by fear, I've seen that, but survival takes over. Where I saw men needlessly die is trying to decide what to do. I was the medic for our jump unit. I have literally been patching a guy up with one hand while shooting a bad guy with the other.
I don't even want to tell you how it went when our brand new son (he was nine) came in from a bike wreck needing a couple of stitches. I got over it but it took a while......... A couple years anyway.
Men do not act the way women think they logically shoild I have spent 40 years trying to get the Mrs. Lamb to be logical. simple things like using a kegerator for an endtable or installing a Pizza oven and chicken broaster during a kitchen remodle escape her. I have given up.
I have sewn thousands of stitches, but I couldn'put two in my own son.. I have poked myself hundreds of times. I couldn't poke own wife without being a quivering mas of protoplasm..
Making you a sandwich is admitting he can't fix you. Thats pretty simple logic too.
My daughter is in her 20s and she's fine with it. She's like me when doing for others. She knows it will help so it's a good thing
janeatiu said:
I hope you're feeling a bit better, Robyn. It's amazing how people respond to chronic illness--the sufferer and the support network. Lamb has pulled back the curtain on the inner workings of the male of the species. Frankly I'm fascinated in a David Attenborough animal documentary kind of way! I won't weigh in on the response of your hubster because only you and he can resolve what's going on within your marriage but I will say that learning to hold your breath and stick yourself with the auto injector pen will help relieve some major stress for you, for him and for your daughter.
Not trying to belabor it (actually trying to lighten it) a mans thinking would be, if its so great, why can't she do:it? If she can't do it, there is NO WAY I'm going near that chit, is she crazy?.....
In all the years you have been together has the man never had a cold and not thought he should be in the ICU with round the clock care?
Robyn said:
I agree, the male mind lesson is fascinating.
My daughter is in her 20s and she's fine with it. She's like me when doing for others. She knows it will help so it's a good thing
janeatiu said:
I hope you're feeling a bit better, Robyn. It's amazing how people respond to chronic illness--the sufferer and the support network. Lamb has pulled back the curtain on the inner workings of the male of the species. Frankly I'm fascinated in a David Attenborough animal documentary kind of way! I won't weigh in on the response of your hubster because only you and he can resolve what's going on within your marriage but I will say that learning to hold your breath and stick yourself with the auto injector pen will help relieve some major stress for you, for him and for your daughter.
Hi Robyn, I agree that the auto-injector pens are brutal so I can totally understand your reaction. Humira is available in a pre-filled syringe where you have control of the needle insertion and depressing the plunger. Maybe you could ask about swapping to the syringe?
Robyn said:
My daughter said she can administer the pen to pen to me. I can hit the button but reflex has me let go as soon as it stabs me.
Lol, no he's 1 of those guys that loans up on pills and than marters it out.
I appreciate your insight tntlamb said:
Not trying to belabor it (actually trying to lighten it) a mans thinking would be, if its so great, why can't she do:it? If she can't do it, there is NO WAY I'm going near that chit, is she crazy?.....
In all the years you have been together has the man never had a cold and not thought he should be in the ICU with round the clock care?
Robyn said:
I agree, the male mind lesson is fascinating.
My daughter is in her 20s and she's fine with it. She's like me when doing for others. She knows it will help so it's a good thing
janeatiu said:
I hope you're feeling a bit better, Robyn. It's amazing how people respond to chronic illness--the sufferer and the support network. Lamb has pulled back the curtain on the inner workings of the male of the species. Frankly I'm fascinated in a David Attenborough animal documentary kind of way! I won't weigh in on the response of your hubster because only you and he can resolve what's going on within your marriage but I will say that learning to hold your breath and stick yourself with the auto injector pen will help relieve some major stress for you, for him and for your daughter.
