I've been thinking about having a "rant" on here for a few days, but I hate to be negative. I just need to put some words down on "paper". I feel like things are really unraveling for me lately. I finally got the referral to my rheumy in late January after several years in pain. I started hydroxycloroquine (sorry is spelling is wrong) in March. Then in April, my 17 son spent a total of two weeks in the hospital. He had made plans to kill himself. Apparently he has been suffering from depression for years and we were unaware. He always seemed happy. But it is actually worse than that. They think he has bipolar disorder. My sisters both have been diagnosed with it so I know what the future could possibly hold for him. He is very intelligent, in honors courses and all, but was lucky to barely pass all of his courses this semester. He had started self medicating with marijuana until he was hospitalized. He has started on meds and seemed to be doing better.
In the mean time, I though that I was doing better with my joints. My pain has been reduced greatly and I have more energy. I even felt ready to start running again. I went to the doc on Friday and found that even though my pain is better, my swelling in joints is worse. He is giving me three more months on the hydroxy and if it is no better He will start me on mtx.
Tonight, my son has counseling and we found out he has started using marijuana again. I know that the bipolar is going to be a rocky road and the psa is also. I just wish I could catch a break. My husband has not even attempted to educate himself on bipolar or psa and doesn't want to talk about either. I think he might be in denial. Soooo, I feel all alone and don't feel I have anywhere to turn. I mentioned to him that I though I could use counseling and he is against it.
Thanks for "listening". It feels good to get some of this off my chest.
We’re here, Goofy. I’m so sorry that you and your family have so much on your plate at the moment. Feel free to “let it all out” here, and take things one day at a time.
That sure is a lot at once Goofy. It’s very hard when you feel all alone with it too. But we are here. And slowly you may pick up a friend here or a family member there who understands, whether through experience or just sheer empathy, and that helps.
My husband started in denial but moved on, and is now my best supporter. That doesn’t always happen, but its worth knowing its possible.
I know bipolar can be very challenging, and am thinking of you and your son.
That is alot to deal with ... one at a time let alone all at once. My approach when the walls cave in is to take one day at a time, deal with the immediate issue right that minute and then move on to the next thing. Thinking of you and your family.
Thanks for the support. It helps to know that there are others out there that can understand. I am trying to take on day at a time. Hopefully today will be a better day than yesterday. :0)
If u feel u need it.. Go without him. You will not regret it.. You will learn how to cope with both issues. My son was in kind of same situation.. Only without the bipolar disorder. It was a rough road.. Without counseling and prayers I would not have been able to cope. Do what is best for u..
Glad you're feeling better. Sybil is right--keep showing him your love-that's what he needs the most! Especially since your husband doesn't get as involved as you wish he would, its hard cuz you have to be strong, despite your illness. Like Karen, too, we had a similar situation with our oldest son. There were a scary few months--we also were shocked when he came to me and said he was depressed. Luckily, he got with some good doctors and depression meds and recovered very well. That was about 13 years ago....he's nearly 35 now-has a great career, a good wife he married last year and planning on starting a family. So don't give up hope! Just let him know you love him unconditionally and you will do whatever you can to help him get well. Take good care of yourself, too!
Thanks for all of the support. I have taken some of your advice and I have signed for a parents of children with mental illness class. It is offered through our local NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) chapter. It will take place 3 Saturdays in a row and I will be going by myself. At lease I won't feel as helpless. Hopefully I will get a lot of information on the best ways to help my son. Grandma J - I am glad your son has recovered and is living a happy life. That helps me to have hope.