I'm super angry/frustrated/depressed/any other mad kind of feeling. I had to leave work early AGAIN today due to my pain. I've been crying all week. I have even thought of ending it all but I just sit and ask why. Why me? Why now? Why couldn't it have been some other LESS horrible disease? Why did it have to be so aggressive so quickly? What did I do so terrible in my life to deserve this? As you can tell I still not accepted/come to terms with this yet. I've been patiently waiting for almost a month for my insurance to approve the Remicade that is supposed to help me since the Humira, Prednisone, Mobic and Percocet are doing nothing. I just got off the phone with the insurance and the doctors office because I want to know what the hold up is. The insurance company didn't even see it in the system but the doctors office says they've been receiving things from them! I know I'm just venting and I would never hurt myself but it's SO frustrating knowing that I am helpless at this point. I can only talk to my husband so much about it but he doesn't understand the way that the people here do. I'm so glad I can come here and vent and get things off my chest and not have people think I'm just being a baby, or just not dealing with it. I feel a bit better after typing this, mentally not physically (currently on the couch with ice packs on as many joints as I can with pain meds coursing through my veins, not doing much but hopefully they will soon). I appreciate everyone here. All your encouraging words, helpful advice and just being here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Blessings and hugs to you. I'm sorry that this is overwhelming to you right now. Pain has a way of skewing your thoughts and reactions to the negative side of things. Kudos to you for venting here. Husbands don't deal well with handling this sort of thing. Guys don't like to feel powerless. When the feel powerless, they get grumpy. I do understand. Hang in there, we all have horrid days and even weeks like this, but there are good patches as well.
Leah, I have PA, fibromyalgia, colitis, cystis and a few other not so nice things. Ha. I saw your beautiful picture and to look at someone you can not tell how much they are hurting. Can you? Just remember when you get down and depressed, that God has put all these things on us to make us tolerant and compassinate to others. If we never had trials and tribulations we would be empty vessels. Don't you agree? I hurt so much this past week, I was feeling really down, I'm 66 years old, live alone. So it's really hard for me. I do babysit my 3 year old grand-daughter 3 days a week. She is the reason I get up in the mornings and keep going. Oh, God is first of course, without Him I know I wouldn't make it. My biggest fear is going into a nursing home. I had PA their was years and it went undetective. They kept testing me for RA, because my fingers are deformed, I didn't break out in a rash until 2008. It is really almost too late for me, with all the other health problems. I am scared of going on "chemo", because I have an infection, and as of yet they really haven't found where. I run fever everynight, could be my colitis, and bladder. If I'm breathing I'm in pain, doctors I have found so for are really not too compassionate. I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you I "know" how you feel and please take care of yourself and turn to God and draw closer to him. Why don't you download, Joel Osteen, and get the daily prayer sent to you in your e-mails. I so look forward to reading his daily prayers. I will be praying for you and God will bless your life greatly. cajunmom311, Gloria
Thank you both for your kind words. I felt a lot better after I got all of this off my chest. I know I don't have it as bad as others but to have it at all just burned me today. I still have anger and resentment and the typical 'why me'. The 107 degree temps really make me flare like crazy as well and between that and my doctors office moving so no one knows what's going on, and my insurance company not having the right information made for one angry lady. lol. I'm so glad to have people who understand. :) Thank you both. I hope you both have a good rest of your week.
I so feel you! I actually said something out loud this week about “ending it all” to my husband in frustration…he doesn’t understand…my family doesnt understand…my friends…church members…no one in my life understands and it us just…over whelming!