Please avoid advising others to discontinue their current treatment plan, be it with an Internist, Rheumatologist, or Psychologist. We are not “arm-chair” doctors. We do not have access to complete medical histories and are not competent to make those decisions for others via the internet. Recommending that others discontinue treatment will not be accepted.
Be careful to not criticize others’ treatment choices. This is a very personal disease, and each of us must make very personal decisions. On the other hand, many on this site advocate for what are known to be the most effective treatments, and many are quite passionate about that. If your choice is to do something different; That is your choice. If you share it here; that is also your choice, but be prepared to find that others may have something to say. As long as they say it gracefully; reply with the same grace and tact.
Be kind to each other. Please? Let us not pile onto the misery that this crappy disease already provides by the bucket-full.
Sybil, that is exactly why the mods are concerned about maintaining a tone of respect and kindness here. People – and mods are people too! – are all here because, as Grumpy says, they have buckets-full of misery, compliments of this disease. We are all vulnerable, and to maintain a comfortable atmosphere that encourages sharing and support, we all need to be very careful about not only what we say, but also the tone of what we say. Thanks for explaining why, from a personal point of view!
If anyone has a problem or question or whatever - just message one of the moderators. We are happy to help. That why they pay us the big bucks? Still waiting on my check though....
Thanks for posting this. We know that you mods do it for the fame and glory, not the cash. Right? I'm really glad to be part of this site and even though I don't think I've done anything to land myself in hot water, reminders like this are helpful so that we are all mindful of the parameters of our interactions. Cheers!
As a newbie who has seen some remarks on the site that speak to this, I’m glad you posted this. I was starting to question whether or not I should post my opinion, for fear of being judged. This site seems like a good place to come for support, and the last thing any of us need is to add anything negative to what we are already dealing with. So thanks
You know, we mods can’t be everywhere at once. If you see a conversation or a post which makes you feel uncomfortable about speaking up, please click on “message”, and let one of us know!
The written word isn't always very dependable in terms of context or meaning. If you post an opinion on a board with 2000 members, someone is bound to disagree and some strongly. Hopefully everyone understands that. That doesn't mean whoever is disagreeing with you isn't supportive. In fact the longer you hang around the more you will learn those are some of the most supportive people here. In fact sometimes real support involves hearing things you don't want to hear or aren't ready to hear. However that may be just the thing someone else wanted to hear or needed to hear. The comments being posted may or not be direct towards YOU specifically but more often than not the circumstances or situation you are describing. if it fits wear it, if doesn't don't. But please don't take offense and don't be afraid. You have a group of mods who have your back. We want free flowing discussion but we don't want anyone to be judged. Do we always get it right? of course not. Do we have a clue how anyone is feeling about anything unless they let us know??? Of course not.
The recent events which lead to a number of posts being "poofed" threads locked along with one member being removed were a bit different. They were involved in a flame war. Everything was personal and rather than the comments being directed to a group, were to each other.
Jillybean said:
As a newbie who has seen some remarks on the site that speak to this, I'm glad you posted this. I was starting to question whether or not I should post my opinion, for fear of being judged. This site seems like a good place to come for support, and the last thing any of us need is to add anything negative to what we are already dealing with. So thanks :-)
To All - This is just a reminder. No one is being scolded. If that is ever necessary, that usually takes place in private. We want everyone to feel comfortable here - from the new to the experienced. Please don't be afraid to ask questions or post comments.
Thanks for pointing that out, Seenie. If you are a thread that starts to look a little hot or something bothers you - message one of us and we can take a look. We all have schedules of our own, and try to be available the best we can, but if there is something that needs attention, I don't know one of us who won't make time to have a look-see.
Agreed Lamb, the written word can definitely be subjective and taken the wrong way at times. Opinions are good, it would be boring if everyone thought the same way, I only dislike when someone appears judgmental. Then again, maybe it is the counselor in me and I am a tad over sensitive to how things are phrased at times…I’m used to clients overanalyzing everything
tntlamb said:
The written word isn't always very dependable in terms of context or meaning. If you post an opinion on a board with 2000 members, someone is bound to disagree and some strongly. Hopefully everyone understands that. That doesn't mean whoever is disagreeing with you isn't supportive. In fact the longer you hang around the more you will learn those are some of the most supportive people here. In fact sometimes real support involves hearing things you don't want to hear or aren't ready to hear. However that may be just the thing someone else wanted to hear or needed to hear. The comments being posted may or not be direct towards YOU specifically but more often than not the circumstances or situation you are describing. if it fits wear it, if doesn't don't. But please don't take offense and don't be afraid. You have a group of mods who have your back. We want free flowing discussion but we don't want anyone to be judged. Do we always get it right? of course not. Do we have a clue how anyone is feeling about anything unless they let us know??? Of course not.
The recent events which lead to a number of posts being "poofed" threads locked along with one member being removed were a bit different. They were involved in a flame war. Everything was personal and rather than the comments being directed to a group, were to each other.
Jillybean said:
As a newbie who has seen some remarks on the site that speak to this, I'm glad you posted this. I was starting to question whether or not I should post my opinion, for fear of being judged. This site seems like a good place to come for support, and the last thing any of us need is to add anything negative to what we are already dealing with. So thanks :-)
I agree. We are here for support, encouragement and understanding to our fellow PsA sufferers. No one needs added negativity. We all have enough to deal with. It is very easy for people to be misunderstood. There is no tone or expression as a person to person conversation would have.
Sybil said, "I'm sometimes apprehensive about contributing, fearing the pasting I might get if I've unknowingly got something wrong . . ." and I have to say I do agree with her.
I don't know if I just don't check in here often enough to see the problematic posts or what. I guess I don't feel like I'm sure where the perceived line is on this site between a difference of opinion and a flame war. I have seen other sites full of flaming, trolls, sock puppets, you name it, behavior I haven't seen here. There was another post from another moderator not long ago about the same thing. Many of you seem to have been here a long while and seem to have developed a strong bond. That's a wonderful thing, but combined with these posts telling others to mind their manners, it leaves me, for one, feeling a bit confused and apprehensive about saying too much.
Forgive me if I'm reading too much into things. I have a hunch, though, that if I feel this way, others might too.
We had a recent spat of incidents Louise that spilled into several threads, resulted in a number of posts being deleted two entire threads poofing and maybe a few members. Most of it however was not bad behavior. The tendencey here is not try and determine the tone etc of a post. Its impossible to do so with as broad an area of the world as we cover. Taking offense when none is intended always leads to problems
Get a note from one of the mods and try to start a flap on a thread...........Not a good idea. Generally if one is over the line they will get a note explaining why and a request to stop. If it involves directly another member the note will be on the thread.
What caused the trouble were "opinions" that fly in the face of not only the rules but good sense. Encouraging members to quit mental health care as ineffective will last about 3 seconds. We also had a couple present themselves as authority or expert when they were neither............One was directly bullying another.
We take it as a complement you haven't seen it. Thank you
Deleting my posts only validate my point as there is nothing offensive in them. No foul language, no calling anyone specific out, only a shared opinion of others. But for some reason, my comment is chose to be deleted??
The situation that lead to this post was not just a matter of someone posting something wrong or incorrect or a redundant question. Flame war describes it pretty well. Plain meanness, bullying are words I might use too. Whenever something like that happens, we like to address the rules because it lets the members know that we are aware and doing something and helps to cool things down a little. These sorts of things don’t happen often, and that’s a great thing. When they do, we want to fix it and let the bystanders know that we are here, supporting and protecting everyone. Again, unless you’ve gotten a private message from a Mod telling you to chill out, then this isn’t addressed to you. For the most part, everyone uses good sense when posting here and follows these rules without a reminder. None of the people who have replied to this discussion have ever been anything less than kind to others here.
Livin,
Not sure what this comment is related to, nor are the rest of the mods? None of the moderators have deleted any posts in this thread. If there is an issue you would like to discuss, you are welcome to message me.
I am a member of a couple other forums and Bens Friends is by far the best managed of them. The moderators in this forum do not let threads get out of control and anything they deem inappropriate vanishes, I appreciate how subtle and efficient the mods are in taking care of business and not allowing any inappropriateness to continue. Lastly, I appreciate how approachable all the moderators in this forum are, they all have their own issues to deal with but always makes time to help others deal with theirs, its a redeeming quality. Thank you for taking the time to be here in the capacity of moderators, you are all doing an exceptional job and its appreciated.
Well then magically 2 of my comments simply just vanished into thin air. That usually doesn't happen unless they are deleted by someone other than the original writer.
GrumpyCat said:
Louise,
The situation that lead to this post was not just a matter of someone posting something wrong or incorrect or a redundant question. Flame war describes it pretty well. Plain meanness, bullying are words I might use too. Whenever something like that happens, we like to address the rules because it lets the members know that we are aware and doing something and helps to cool things down a little. These sorts of things don't happen often, and that's a great thing. When they do, we want to fix it and let the bystanders know that we are here, supporting and protecting everyone. Again, unless you've gotten a private message from a Mod telling you to chill out, then this isn't addressed to you. For the most part, everyone uses good sense when posting here and follows these rules without a reminder. None of the people who have replied to this discussion have ever been anything less than kind to others here.
Livin,
Not sure what this comment is related to, nor are the rest of the mods? None of the moderators have deleted any posts in this thread. If there is an issue you would like to discuss, you are welcome to message me.
Again, I’m not sure what has happened, nor are the other Mods. In fact, Seenie had composed a response as she thought you raised some good points, and then the posts were gone. We don’t delete posts willy-nilly, and we do discuss it as a team before we take that action, unless it is a blatant rules violation (like insults, profanity,selling, abuse, hate, etc.). We also save a copy for Mods who might be away so to they can give their input later.
I am interested in what you had to say. It would be great if you could re-post to the best of your memory.
Livinday2day said:
Well then magically 2 of my comments simply just vanished into thin air. That usually doesn’t happen unless they are deleted by someone other than the original writer.
GrumpyCat said:
Louise,
The situation that lead to this post was not just a matter of someone posting something wrong or incorrect or a redundant question. Flame war describes it pretty well. Plain meanness, bullying are words I might use too. Whenever something like that happens, we like to address the rules because it lets the members know that we are aware and doing something and helps to cool things down a little. These sorts of things don’t happen often, and that’s a great thing. When they do, we want to fix it and let the bystanders know that we are here, supporting and protecting everyone. Again, unless you’ve gotten a private message from a Mod telling you to chill out, then this isn’t addressed to you. For the most part, everyone uses good sense when posting here and follows these rules without a reminder. None of the people who have replied to this discussion have ever been anything less than kind to others here.
Livin,
Not sure what this comment is related to, nor are the rest of the mods? None of the moderators have deleted any posts in this thread. If there is an issue you would like to discuss, you are welcome to message me.
Thanks for mentioning the lack of trolls and flame wars here, Louise. That takes a bit of vigilance, and the occasional intervention on the part of the mods. Most of those interventions happen behind the scenes, with a friendly, private reminder to those who are walking a bit close to the edge. Occasionally, as a result of events that most of our members may not even be aware of, there has to be a more public reminder made, such as what we had last week. Please don’t take it too personally: it’s there to keep this as safe and as supportive a place as we can. And our intent is not to suppress anybody’s point of view.
Livin’, I honestly don’t know how your post was deleted. I thought you had done it yourself, which puzzled me. But the fact remains that there is no rule against challenging anybody if you feel offended or irritated by what they are saying or by how they are saying it. All that we ask is that you do so in a way that shows respect for the individual, and for the others on the board.
An excellent way of doing this is by using “I statements”. For example, you might say something like “When you make pronouncements like that, I feel dumb, and like my opinions and experiences are of no value here.” That has a very different tone, and is a much more constructive statement than an attack like “Just so that you know, you are a self-important pompous know-it-all.” We have absolutely no problem with respectful debate and thoughtful challenge, in fact debate and challenge keep a board like this real.
Thanks again, everyone, for sharing your thoughts!
Again, as I have said a few times now, somehow my 2, not just 1, but 2 comments were deleted. Neither were of vulgar tone to say the least. Not my taste. Just appears that at least someone didn't agree with what I had said. And this is not the first time this has mysteriously happened.
And Seenie, I would like to believe I am a fairly educated individual and am a bit taken back by you thought that I need a personal lesson on how to communicate with others. Trust me, that lesson is probably better suited for a few others on here to include an mod or two. But thank you anyways. As it is stated, I guess I am entitled to my opinion until it is deleted. I really see no reason to belabor this discussion, at least not from my end. Thank you
