I realise now that I have posted this in reply to an earlier post which might not be the best place.
After years on metho and other medecines that prevented us from having a baby I was finaly put on Cimzia and got pregnant. Happiest moment of my life. We were going to fill that big, empty house with laughter. I was going to homeschool, my Other Half was taking a year sabatical and we were going to ace this parenting thing. If it was a boy his name would be Charlie, a girl, her name would be Lys.
Sadly ShyBaby has left us to become an Angel. I miscarried at 15 weeks (foetus age 12weeks) it is one of the hardest times of my life, it started while we were having a trip to Louisiana. My baby, h
opes and dreams were all flushed down a toilet in a iHop in New Orleans... I bit the bullet, so to speak, up until we got back to Canada since I had an appointment on Monday. Results: no more foetus, just a gestational sac... 12 hours later my Rock and Pillar, Mr. Warrior drove me to the emergency with severe blood loss. A transfusion and a few rude comments about how "women with autoimmune diseases should not get themselves pregnant" later (Thanks $#!t#€@d) I'm on bed rest until Friday and have to pick the pieces of me and put on a brave face to go back to work on Monday.
Hopefully I can see someone before then and get a bit more time to mourne and heal my soul.
It's our second loss... but this one was supposed to be out of the "danger zone" that is the 1st semester. I feel weak, vulnerable and totally unable to resume my job. I feel like taking care of my home, my pets, my loved ones and me. Arthritis had subsided while I was pregnant but I was told but that "not so tactful" doctor that it would likely be back with a vengeance (Once again... this @€k€r deserves a permanent nose whistle and loud, stinky farts whenever he is within 3 feet of his mother in law)
If I end up with a major flare on top of that, I'm not sure I can live throughout the pain.
I'm lost for hope here... I don't even have the courage to pick up the phone and call for mental help. I don't know where to call, don't have a family Doctor... I'm used to be the toughest one among my very limited circle (line or narrow wedge would be a more accurate description)
I'm not looking for pity, we know grief but I wanted to let everyone know that it can happen. We won't give up. Even with the lost years behind I do believe we still have a shot at parenthood.
My love and thanks for reading and respecting us in this time of grief. ♡