Not exactly psa related but need help

General Support
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I realise now that I have posted this in reply to an earlier post which might not be the best place.

After years on metho and other medecines that prevented us from having a baby I was finaly put on Cimzia and got pregnant. Happiest moment of my life. We were going to fill that big, empty house with laughter. I was going to homeschool, my Other Half was taking a year sabatical and we were going to ace this parenting thing. If it was a boy his name would be Charlie, a girl, her name would be Lys.

Sadly ShyBaby has left us to become an Angel. I miscarried at 15 weeks (foetus age 12weeks) it is one of the hardest times of my life, it started while we were having a trip to Louisiana. My baby, h

opes and dreams were all flushed down a toilet in a iHop in New Orleans... I bit the bullet, so to speak, up until we got back to Canada since I had an appointment on Monday. Results: no more foetus, just a gestational sac... 12 hours later my Rock and Pillar, Mr. Warrior drove me to the emergency with severe blood loss. A transfusion and a few rude comments about how "women with autoimmune diseases should not get themselves pregnant" later (Thanks $#!t#€@d) I'm on bed rest until Friday and have to pick the pieces of me and put on a brave face to go back to work on Monday.

Hopefully I can see someone before then and get a bit more time to mourne and heal my soul.

It's our second loss... but this one was supposed to be out of the "danger zone" that is the 1st semester. I feel weak, vulnerable and totally unable to resume my job. I feel like taking care of my home, my pets, my loved ones and me. Arthritis had subsided while I was pregnant but I was told but that "not so tactful" doctor that it would likely be back with a vengeance (Once again... this @€k€r deserves a permanent nose whistle and loud, stinky farts whenever he is within 3 feet of his mother in law)

If I end up with a major flare on top of that, I'm not sure I can live throughout the pain.

I'm lost for hope here... I don't even have the courage to pick up the phone and call for mental help. I don't know where to call, don't have a family Doctor... I'm used to be the toughest one among my very limited circle (line or narrow wedge would be a more accurate description)

I'm not looking for pity, we know grief but I wanted to let everyone know that it can happen. We won't give up. Even with the lost years behind I do believe we still have a shot at parenthood.

My love and thanks for reading and respecting us in this time of grief. ♡

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This is not condescending in any way. But yes you do have a shot at parenthood. My wife and I went through 14 miscarriages (it was in a day when it was considered "normal" and not something to be grieved about - nobody convinced my wife and I) We decided to adopt. It was a years long wait but if we would take a foreign baby it would be much shorter. Less than a week before we were to leave for Korea to pick up our daughter Thomastenia (a combination of my wife and I's name) the President of Korea was assassinated. I knew it was trouble. Sure enough we got a phone call from the agency the next day telling us everything was shut down, not on hold - shut down. We could start the process again later.

My wife walked around for week with the babies picture. There is long story after but before it was all over we ended up with 8 "adopted" children and dozens of fosters. Now I don't know if its the same. But I can assure you there is no lack of love or difference there and Thanksgiving is a scream (over 60 last year) You will find a place to put your love, and who knows one may take. Like my wife and I determined, trying to get there is fun too ;-) You will know when your body can't do it anymore. You never know. It took my folks 12 years to land me.

Now make an appointment with a good Gyno, and get those hormones leveled out. The flare CAN be avoided with step hormone therapy. Your body doesn't like big changes. If nothing else your partner will sleep better knowing you won't turn into an axe murderer during the night.

As far as the "representation of an anal orifice" you met at the hospital, understand WHY he is a staff physician, likley technically competent, but the personality of a "scientist" You are very brave woman. I can not IMAGINE that even he will stand in the way of what you want. Use your strength to your advantage. I personally admire you, and I don't say that to just anyone

1 Like
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Shy:

I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Lamb is right. I had my fifth miscarriage this past February and immediately went into one of the worst flares I've had even with taking Progesterone. Talk to your OB/GYN about step therapy.

I didn't leave the house willingly for a while and wanted only to be with Paul and our animals. I'm back on Lexapro again. My recommendation is to take that hardest first step and reach out.

Truthfully, what has helped my husband and me more than anything is remembering what my wonderful, compassionate rheumatologist said to us a couple of years ago when I said I knew it was my fault Paul and I couldn't have children. He said he knew us well enough to know that while we don't have children, we have found other ways to leave our mark on future generations. We have.

We're holding onto that and each other.

Godspeed.

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ShyWarrior, I just want to extend my deepest sympathies for your loss. I can't even imagine how difficult this is and the sadness you must be feeling. Things will work out, even though you feel desperate now. There will be better days ahead and I think tntlamb's success story is uplifting and gives hope.

I'm not real good with expressing my thoughts through writing, but I just wanted you to know I care.

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Sorry I took so many years to respond…
Mr. Shy and I went through a still birth (that’s what they call it once they’ve told you the sex I guess)
So… Charlie did not make it and we gave up on biological children.

We are now arguing about other options. Mr. Shy being 100% opposed to a surogate or egg donor (his swimmers perform fine… it’s my years on metho and biologics that fudged it all but he is not ready for a baby from another ovum

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I’m so sorry that this is continuing to be an issue for you. I hope that your and your husband are able to come to an agreement about what direction to take.

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Shy I’m so sorry. This disease makes a mess of so much, and so many life dreams. You and Mr. Shy certainly have a project to tackle, and I hope that you can make an alternate plan that meets everyone’s needs. Have you thought of seeking a counsellor for fertility issues? It sounds like you two are very strong people: there has to be a way of working through this dark period and coming out stronger and happier.

Please don’t leave for so long again: you have a lot of life experience to share, and there are so many people here would would appreciate your company and your understanding. Supporting someone else is the best way of looking after yourself.

Stay strong and stay safe