Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation Services a phone call from my caseworker on Friday. Its taken until today for me to process what I found out. Apparently, after studying my medical records, she has decided that I am in too bad of shape for her to try and find me a job. She isn't even going to do any further assessment, and basically said I am unemployable, and has closed my case. She said that if I can get into remission, she'll be more than happy to reopen the case, but that for now I need to concentrate on getting through each day in one piece.

I mean, I knew that it was unlikely I could work right now, but I held out some hope that maybe...just maybe with VRS services I could do something productive. My brother in law needs someone with good interpersonal skills to answer phones and deal with customers...and he even mentioned to my husband that he could use my help. But I know darn well that I am not reliable enough right now to make a commitment to an employer, not even family. So now I need to figure out what this means. Where do I go from here? What do I do now?

I'm not even sure my caseworker intends to write me a letter for my disability appeal. (heavy sigh).

I know there is nothing anyone here can do, but I needed to sort this out in my own head, and typing it on a blog here helps me put it all into perspective. My husband tries to understand, and usually does a pretty good job of it, but he doesn't understand why this has been so devastating to me. I'm not even sure if I understand why this has been so devastating. I just know that it is.

Hi tmbrwolf, I think each time we hear something like this it erodes a little bit of our hope and every now and again it takes a big chunk away and leaves us devastated. You know you have plenty to offer, just at the moment you have to tread water on the employment front until you feel up to being able to give a committment again. I know I can't help but just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Timbrwolf, I know, it’s so hard to think of yourself as unemployable when you know that you are a multi-skilled, multi-tasking, competent person. It’s not so much what they told you at VR as it is getting your head around the fact that, at the moment, they are probably right. Total blow to the self-concept. But you are still the same person you were last wee, last year, and before you got PsA. It’s just that you’re battling a formidable adversary just now. Things will change, and you may well find yourself doing some work that will make you happy. I guess your job right now is making peace with PsA. Easier said than done!

Thanks Jules and Seenie. And here I thought I got through all the stages of grief re: PsA. HA! Each time I hear I'm not able to do something else, it throws me for a loop. Seenie, I guess you are right. I'm going to have to make peace with having PsA. (again...or maybe still).

The stages of grief aren’t linear, unfortunately. With each new challenge or disappointment, back and forth we go. But who knows what kind of shape you’ll be next year – you never know what treatment might put you back into remission. And then off you’ll go.
I don’t think I’ll ever really make peace with this thing. A series of truces, maybe.

Maybe a temporary cease fire? (chuckle)

OK, a temporary cease fire. LOL

here is what u need to do. take your relative up on the job offer. don't worry about what might happen. cross that bridge when you get to it. take advantage of the offer.

Oh darlin'

I am so very sorry to read this. I remember the sting of those words so very well. XXXXXXXXXXX

You are still the same timberwolf you where ten seconds before you got the phone call honey. You are still the same person you are going to be tomorrow. Remember when you said those same words to me? Now ...I am saying them back to you. The dollar amounts are not important and you know that deep down. You have been poor and you have been blessed with funding when you needed it. You can do what you need to do right now and that is take care of you and mema and your family in your new beautiful home. That is all you have to do now hon. You are strong and cared very much about by all of us here. Lawyers be damned..... sink that ship and grab the first flotsam that floats by kiddo . Call me....