A few people have mentioned recently about depression. I have struggled with this myself. It comes from feeling like a failure at not being a good Mum.
I have also been thinking a lot recently about what it is I actually do each and every day, in pain and when I really don't want to. The things I do because no one else will do them for me.
The little things that most people take for granted. Here's what I came up with.
1. (the most important) I got out of bed! It is a rare thing for me to acutally want to get up, but I know I must in order to feed my kids and get one of them off to school. Even if I get nothing else done for the day this is my most important achievement.
2. Stepped out my front door.Drove my kids to School/Care, I went to work. It's only part time Admin work, but it keeps me going. It gets me out of the house and keeps some money coming in.
3. I did the washing up. - In my house this does not always get done. I feel lazy and self-indulgent when it piles up, but when my hands are to sore to hold a plate, then it is not safe for me to wash lots of them. I wait until I fell well enough - or I can no longer stand to look at it.
4. Fed my children all of thier meals. Usually I try to keep it healthy, but sometime it is not possible, so we have the occasional pizza, or fish and chips. I no longer feel bad about doing that, I figure every now and then will not hurt them in the long run.
These are the small things I do every day. most people take these things for granted, but I do not. I know it is hard for me to do them, but I do them anyway and for me that is worth something.
And it starts with the first step. Today I got out of bed. Instead of saying to myself, "today I did nothing", I say "at least I got out of bed". Now I'm not saying that this has been an easy thing for me, I have been through counselling and an anger management course. It really has been a long and winding road.
If anyone has anyother suggestions on how to try and achieve a little more positivty, I welcome them.
Thanks for reading!