Today I Got Out Of Bed!

A few people have mentioned recently about depression. I have struggled with this myself. It comes from feeling like a failure at not being a good Mum.

I have also been thinking a lot recently about what it is I actually do each and every day, in pain and when I really don't want to. The things I do because no one else will do them for me.

The little things that most people take for granted. Here's what I came up with.

Today I:

1. (the most important) I got out of bed! It is a rare thing for me to acutally want to get up, but I know I must in order to feed my kids and get one of them off to school. Even if I get nothing else done for the day this is my most important achievement.

2. Stepped out my front door.Drove my kids to School/Care, I went to work. It's only part time Admin work, but it keeps me going. It gets me out of the house and keeps some money coming in.

3. I did the washing up. - In my house this does not always get done. I feel lazy and self-indulgent when it piles up, but when my hands are to sore to hold a plate, then it is not safe for me to wash lots of them. I wait until I fell well enough - or I can no longer stand to look at it.

4. Fed my children all of thier meals. Usually I try to keep it healthy, but sometime it is not possible, so we have the occasional pizza, or fish and chips. I no longer feel bad about doing that, I figure every now and then will not hurt them in the long run.

These are the small things I do every day. most people take these things for granted, but I do not. I know it is hard for me to do them, but I do them anyway and for me that is worth something.

And it starts with the first step. Today I got out of bed. Instead of saying to myself, "today I did nothing", I say "at least I got out of bed". Now I'm not saying that this has been an easy thing for me, I have been through counselling and an anger management course. It really has been a long and winding road.

If anyone has anyother suggestions on how to try and achieve a little more positivty, I welcome them.

Thanks for reading!

Louise :)

Love it!!! I may paste it to my bathroom mirror! :slight_smile:

Yay for you, Louise!!!

It's funny. I'm sitting here at the computer, a couple feet from my bed, amazed that I got myself out of bed this morning and am up before my (homeschooled) kids. The kids usually get up by 6am and it's after 7. My husband usually gets me up, but he had to go to work early this morning. I had to get out of bed because I'm taking care of friends' kids today and they can arrive as early as 7AM. This is a major accomplishment for me - I haven't been sleeping well / sleeping much lately and getting myself out of bed is HARD.

Achieving positivity in my life has been something I've been working on for a while now. I post a lot about my journey in by blog (http://rannygahoots.blogspot.com/). I have depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD on top of my physical health issues, but the amazing thing is that when I was diagnosed with PsA and AS, it actually led me to deal more with my mental/emotional stuff and my outlook on life has vastly improved.

For me, a lot of it is acceptance of this is how my life is now, and there's not much I can do about it other than what I've done so far and continue to do. Instead of trying to accomplish certain tasks throughout my day, I seek balance between movement and stillness in my day and joyfully celebrate what I do get done. I have worked over the past year to simplify my life and my home, so that there's less work and less I feel I'm missing out on. I've changed the way I move through my house and deal with things. Instead of putting my dishes in the sink to wash later, I try to wash them as I use them. I have my kids put the baskets of clean laundry by my computer chair or by my bed, so I can sort and fold while I'm sitting (I can't get up and down the stairs to the washer and dryer in the basement). Every member of my household contributes to the household chores every day - that's what being a part of a family is about. Even my four year old has been helping out since she was 2...the child's tasks depend on his or her age and ability. In my house we don't eat much processed food and are gluten-free, so cooking is a BIG thing here. I find having a set rhythm to our meals (Monday is taco night, Tuesday homemade pizza, Wednesday chicken, Thursday veg, Friday pasta ....) is helpful. The more simple my life is, the more joy I seem to be able to find in each day. :)

I had such great plans to do today - I didn't have to work so I figured I could get caught up on things. The day started with "Oh, I didn't sleep too well last night so I think I'll stay in bed for a bit" and then when I did get up, I stayed in my Pjs all day until about an hour ago (it is now 6:30 pm). I did finish a couple things but then started thinking of how I was going to handle some upcoming situations and then I started to get down. Spent the day trying to get motivated to do something but not succeeding which in turn made me feel a bit more depressed. Then hubby came home and yelled at me for something stupid ("Why didn't you call and have me pick up peanut butter?"). That made matters worse so now I am not saying much at all and realizing how messed up my toes are today. They aren't hurting much but are very swollen and messing up my walking. I don't complain much but feel safe telling y'all how I feel. Usually I am very positive and think about what I am able to do but today just is not one of those days. Thanks for letting me vent.

Louise, thank you so much for sharing your positive thoughts and actions. Really, it inspires me, and I appreciate it.

The times when we feel that we are not good parents are hard. But who gets to define what a good parent is? It's hard for me to believe that there will not come a day when your children tell themselves or someone they love how their mother taught them by her example to deal with the hand Life dealt her, which is as much as any of us can do. One day they will truly realize how much strength and courage it took for you to get out of bed, and make wise judgments about what you could or could not do on a particular day, and what triumphs you achieved over pain and physical limitations, and their pride in you will help them accomplish wonderful things.

Thank you.

Gardener - thanks- as a mom feeling very guilty/crappy this morning - your kind words already made a difference.


Gardener said:

Louise, thank you so much for sharing your positive thoughts and actions. Really, it inspires me, and I appreciate it.

The times when we feel that we are not good parents are hard. But who gets to define what a good parent is? It’s hard for me to believe that there will not come a day when your children tell themselves or someone they love how their mother taught them by her example to deal with the hand Life dealt her, which is as much as any of us can do. One day they will truly realize how much strength and courage it took for you to get out of bed, and make wise judgments about what you could or could not do on a particular day, and what triumphs you achieved over pain and physical limitations, and their pride in you will help them accomplish wonderful things.

Thank you.