Not a good week for me mentally. My section at work has just been outsourced to another company and I was invited to join a small team representing us who would travel to the new company's HQ for a social event, overnight stay, and day spent working with them to shape our future and generally make contacts etc. This would be a great career opportunity for me and something I would always have done before this year. At first I accepted the offer just as was expected of me but I have now had to acknowledge that I can't do it. I don't have the physical or mental energy to tackle it at the moment, especially the late night dinner and social event part.
This is such a mental blow to me, as it's the first time I have actually had to admit to myself and to others that PA is actually going to change my life, my career and how people see me. Because people don't really understand the disease I'm sure they think I'm pathetic for turning down such an important opportunity.
I'm struggling not to get depressed by this realisation.
I hear and undestand what your saying, we just can't seem to get through the long days, it's enough to have to get through the workday without having to know you have a couple of hours of socializing to do. Not because we don't want to, but our bodies and mind are just to tired. I get stressed now even having to commit to something, cause I question myself, how am I going to feel that day! I have to go for a week to the states next month for training and I am dreading the socialising, but in my case it's training, so I have to go. Just wanted to give you alot support, cause I do understand what you are going through, but remmeber it is better to be honest with ourselves, what others think, we cannot controle. So we just do what we have to! Hugs!
I can totally relate to where you are. Do your co-workers and management know about your condition and have some understanding of it? I'm in the corporate world and on my program, I've always been one of the "go to" people, that person who will jump in and help on just about any task, the person who knows how everything works and where all the dead bodies are buried, etc. When I first got diagnosed, I wanted to kind of keep it quiet and private while I adjusted to the situation. Within the first few weeks though, I requested to be taken out of a lead position and to be moved to another team that wasn't as used to pinging me on everything and I explained why. Then when I explained the move to my team-mates, I gave the "I have health issues that I need some time to address", and for a few of them, who I'm closer to, I explained my condition. A couple of weeks ago, my husband's company had a water filtration/purification/sanitization machine put in the kitchen where I work so that I have access to pure water. It's available to everyone, which of course brings additional questions of why I'm so special. So I decided to just lay it out there. I'm open and honest about my condition, so that people understand when they see me limping around or notice that I'm doing crappy that day and snapping at people, that there is a reason. I'm still adjusting to learning how to say that my limit has been reached. When someone tries to add something to my plate, I'm slowly getting across that the addition of one thing, means something else has to come off the plate. It's hard and I totally feel for you. One way I've been able to get it across to people what I'm going through is to mention the Phil Michelson commercials (most people have seen them), explain this is similar to RA (most people have heard of it), and that my immune system is attacking my body. If that doesn't help, there's a great article out there about how RA feels (I'll see if I can find it and post) that nails it. Good luck, I hope it gets better.
Thanks for your great comments. You obviously understand exactly how I feel and that in itself is a really big help. Thanks for your support x
I remember when it began for me. For me it was my kids, I was a very active parent, I would play in the tunnels like an idiot and run around the playland. Then one day it just stopped and I was couchbound. It has been so long now that my kids don’t even remember me like that. In a big way that’s what being disabled does it’s like an eraser. My piers don’t even remember who I was anymore. Truthfully I’m not that person anymore. It was a difficult transition to make, I can assure you getting depressed about it will only make it worse. Your right it is going to change your life and it is going to change the lives of those that remain in your life. Many of the people closest to you will never understand. The people closest to me are still angry that I don’t do more. Point is it’s a personal struggle and you have to keep moving or you’ll really freeze up.
A year and half ago I gave up my position to revert back to a previous position because of the physical work that I could no longer do. Two weeks ago I gave my 4 week notice because even the current position is too much for me now...not only physically but mentally as well. The stress causes elevated levels of pain just as much as too much physical activity; stooping, bending, standing, walking, sitting, reaching, pulling, pushing, lifting... When I gave my notice, my office manager asked if it was really due to my health as she said I never complain and if I was in that much pain she thought for sure she would have heard me complain. I told her I don't complain because I don't think people want to hear me complain all the time. After explaining what my health issues are...she was astonished. She told me she had no idea. I still had to go through the like RA; immune system making my body attack itself... and I am in the medical field. Goes to show... people are as ignorant about this kind of thing as they want to be. Yes, life changing is a good way to describe this disease we share. And no we won't get everyone to understand...at least some do and that is all we can ask. So glad to have the friends here that do. When reality hits it is very hard...I think my reality hit this summer. I truly understand you turning down the job...too much to work/socialize/care for yourself and family. It is time to take care of and listen to you. Best of luck with everything.
Weather we like it or not, things have to change with those of us with this disease. I am going through this right now too. I have told a few people at work what is happening but haven't really addressed it with my boss. He knows I am having problems but really isn't aware of the extent. One thing I have been learning through this whole ordeal is that we have to do what is right for us and our health. Hang in there.
Thanks guys, it's great to have your support. I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow and explain some things to her. I have realised that I have to face up to things right now and start making some changes. It's good to be able to talk about this stuff with people here who truly understand so thanks again.
no..no...I understand 100%. I run my own used clothing store right down the street from my house and its hard to get up and go most days esp in the winter. I beat myself up and think why don't I have more energy, am I just lazy??? No I have an autoimmune disease that just sucks the life out of me! I have to remind myself of that time and time agian.....