Well, I finally did it. Admitted to my husband his high-performance, high-expectation lifestyle is a bit more than I can handle. Admitted to my boss that I can’t keep traveling like this and working with too little resources.
I cried a bit, then I had the best, most carefree fun I’ve had in years dancing with my little girl for no particular reason (except I didn’t have to keep lots of energy for other things, that are in the end, undoubtedly less important).
Here’s to fighting this disease every step of the way, but allowing ourselves to admit to vulnerability when its important
Great job, Jen. Way to define your boundaries! Hopefully your boss will throw more resources your direction and your hubster will chill out just a bit. No one can know that hat they are doing has a negative consequence for you unless you say something.
Well, it seems I accidentally guaranteed my role (which within my particular organization type might be considered optional) in a rather innocuous conversation with some investors.
To clarify, that certainly doesn’t mean my job is guaranteed - far from it - but the role is now likely to be there, so as long as I fill it usefully, they will have to feel a significant motivation (like my inability to travel more than a few times a year is really hampering my ability to do the job) - its just nicer to keep me there!
And now, at the same time, I feel there are all sorts of interesting opportunities opening up.
Until I said no, I didn’t realise quite how empowering it could be (they never taught ME no as a little kid!)
Its always difficult to admit that you can’t do as much as you think is appropriate - and the hard thing with PsA is - whatever you think is appropriate - you can never do that much…
That is so true, Jen, and thinking of taking life a little easier is something most of us ponder so often throughout the years. But when the time comes that we're forced to slow down, it's sad and scary, and we're in denial about it.
I'm going through the same sort of dilemma. Being 61, it should be OK to start cutting back. I really should tell our kids I can't help them so much anymore-I need their help. My husband wants me to take on more hours at work so I'll have insurance benefits when he retires. I just don't feel up to it, yet I'm pushing for more hours in my present job and watching for other full-time job openings on campus. In my head, I know already it's impossible, so I finally told my husband I just don't think I can do It.
I'm one of the lucky ones who wasn't forced to slow down at a young age. So, maybe it isn't so bad to admit I need to cut back at this point in my life.
Good for you Jen. I’m not sure how to do this yet. My caseload is huge this year, but I “used to” able to handle it.
Were you able to ask for help and still receive the same pay? Or do you have to take a paycut?
Well done Jen!! When I was stil working my doc booked me off for a month and I remember hou insanely difficult this was for me. The only reason I did it is because my doctors attitude was ‘either you do this and get better or you aren’t feeling as bad as you say you are’. I still have a lot of issues with ‘feeling lazy’ or being perceived as lazy. For me the pain side of the disease is easier to deal with than all of these other/emotional issues. But really well done!! Such a huge step admitting to others that we aren’t what we used to be before PsA.
Thanks so much guys - I think for the time being we are in a wait and see - no paycuts (though for a variety of reasons I was probably due a pay rise I’ll be happy to forfeit).
We are a growing company and it depends how we grow - if I can manage to be successful without traveling so much, then that’s great (paraphrasing my boss from today). I don’t think they’d want me to leave, but its all about getting the outcome in my job!
There’s a lot I’m very thankful for; every opportunity like this one gives me another chance at not only a normal life, but an exceptional one
