Well, never done a blog before so I suppose this changes that now. I feel like I need to vent somewhere. If you don't want to read a long, kinda carping rant I guess you should stop now...
Ok, if you're still with me then here goes! I'm hardly exciting, I do boring things like go to work, then go home and hope to recover enough that I'll be able to handle work the next day. It seems like that is becoming the story of my life, and it's wearing me down; I enjoy my job and what I do and the idea of having to stop is depressing. I like to drive, garden, frolic in cemeteries, do crochet, play on the internet, keeping tropical fishies, playing with my birds, read, see? Not terribly exciting.
The joy of PsA has been steadily working it's life sucking tentacles deeper into my life and hide. The joint pains, scales and blistering psoriasis, swelling, and all have been going on for better than 20 years now, I just never had an actual diagnosis besides the whole being a lazy faker who is trying for attention or to get out of doing things, at least until a couple years ago. Because that is an awesome way to be, ya know, who doesn't like having to deal with all the fatigue, aches, shocks of pain, swelling, and the ever so delightful scorn and derision your crippling laziness entitles you to get.
At least my husband is supportive, for the most part. He's a 20+ year survivor of Hodgkin's lymphoma and a 4 year survivor of lung cancer, and now suffers chronic pain himself. He knows I hurt, but I try not to let him see how bad it really is, or how hard things are becoming because he hurts enough without me adding to his sorrows. My mother-in-law, that's a different story...she is quick to say I'm stupid, lazy, making it up, read it on the internet and just want to be special, gee what a supportive lady! And this is great because she lives with us, and gets to inform me on a daily basis what she thinks I'm bullshitting about! Yay! It's really sweet when I get told how I don't know what pain is like because her son is really suffering and blah blah blah.
Lemme see, as for medications I'm now on Remicade infusion, after MTX caused reactions and Enbrel stopped working. I think the Remi helps, but I worry about it stopping and thinks marching right on. All these "what if?" scenarios endlessly gnaw at me, and I end up an anxious mess about work, bills, life...
Umm, what else...pretty much all my joints hurt, even dumb places like my sternum, jaws, pelvis. I sound like rice krispies when I walk or stand up, or the double shotgun blasts when I straighten up my knees. My wrists are annoying when I move them they crackle and pop, which freaks people out but does at least amuse me in a horrible sort of way, haha! Even typing I'm snapping :/
Now brain fog is setting in enough that I've kind of lost track of what I really got on here to rant about, other than general grousing about things...so maybe I will add more later if I remember what I was going to say to begin with. If you read this to this part then I hope you're doing well and if you're not I hope you soon will be! Ta-ta!