Pain. My pain is starting to wear me down. It’s my right knee. It seems like no matter what I do my right knee becomes inflamed and painful. It cracks and pops day and night. I can’t find relief! I saw an orthopedist and he gave me some PT stretches to help, but they seem to be causing more pain! Hot bathes, then ice pack, with pain medication… it’s all I can do to sit still. I feel like I need to move but I can’t move unless I hold on to something. I’m starting to loose my nerve on dealing with this pain day in and day out. I suspect the Enbrel is not working for me anymore… the injections are increasingly painful and itchy.
I do have a rheumy appointment in two weeks. I just needed to vent. Sometimes I feel so small and helpless. The pain just chips away at my happiness.
Hugs - I’ve been there and it’s awful and venting helps a a lot 
Hopefully the Rheum appt will help. Have you considered picking up an adjustable cane? I’ve considered it off an on the past few months, but never bit the bullet (mine’s my hip), but it might help you move around more? (I know sitting still all day stiffens me up, but sometimes moving is just as bad/worse - it’s a terrible game of pain if you don’t, pain if you do).
It’s just awful when you get to that “end of the rope” stage of pain - I’m so sorry you’re there, and I hope it gets better soon for you.
Such a lovely note from @SubliminalFlicker. Sorry you’re having a tough go of it @amielynn38. I’d be making a BIG OLD LIST for your rheumy visit. Have a plan for what you want your doctor to learn from the visit–particularly that you feel Enbrel is no longer working for you. Decide what your ideal rheumy visit outcome would be and hold on to that so you don’t get bogged down by the details of how craptastic you’re feeling right now. Hugs to you and a finger wag to your knee from me!
@amielynn38 I second @janeatiu about the plan for the Rheum visit - I brought a list to my last one and felt like I at least got out what I needed to during the visit - though I have some revisions to make for my next one (mainly to trim it down to the main things instead of the super long list of OMG I’ve been feeling terrible for months list - though both have their uses and I’d def. recommend getting the second out of your system even if you don’t use it during the appointment - it’ll make a good reference if you need it). A plan for “end goal” is always good - and I’m going to keep that in mind when I make my next visit list.
Thank you @SubliminalFlicker. I have considered a cane but I feel awful about doing it. Like it is a symbol of my failure with this stupid disease. Also it is a lovely way of showcasing it. Allowing people to ask me questions that I don’t want. I know it’s silly but I am trying to hold out.
Tonight I am going to go for a long walk. Maybe it will clear my head.
Thank you @janeatiu, yes a big ole note for sure! I also laughed at the “craptastic”. That truly is a great word for it!
I need to write things down more often but my brain fog is in high gear with this pain and I forget. I homeschool my son and it’s all i can do to remember his lessons. At least I have software that keeps me up to date on that!
I feel you @amielynn38 about the cane - I recently had to request accommodation at work 
and I hated doing it for that reason.