I had a family event today, and I knew that I would be photographed, both in posed family pictures, and candids. I have had some hair loss due to leflunomide, most of it right around the hairline. I have dark curly hair, and washed it last night, to guarantee good curls today. I wanted to wear my hair down, with no headwrap if possible.
So we are on the way to the temple, and I realize. . . All I have as an emergency hair thing is a not so nice black head band. How could I forget to toss a nicer headwrap in the car with me? What if I got warm and had to put my hair up? Then what!!
Ok so I didn't get too warm until we were in the car on the way back home. But when did this happen to me? Emergency headwrap?!?! There are days where I think my hair loss isn't too obvious, and then I catch a glimpse of myself somewhere and realize that it's not just me, it really it noticeable. My husband plays it down, but I've caught glimpes of myself, so I know. One day I had my hair tied up with no headwrap on, and saw myself in a security TV thing. What I thought had been not so noticeable that day was EXTREMELY noticeable. This is why I always have something to cover up my hairline with me.
On the flip side, I had to get my passport photo taken last week. I had just washed my hair and it was looking nice and curly, and not too fluffy. I parted it so that it covered the worst of it, and actually got a decent picture taken.
My thing is I still think of myself as a small-average size person (which I was until 10 years ago), when in fact I'm now about 70 lbs over what I used to be due to meds / lack of being able to move / etc. So when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror / a security camera / whatever I'm always surprised.
I've actually lost weight, I think it might be due to mtx. But when I catch a glimpse of myself I don't recognize myself either! A lot of times I look squished! I use to be tall and thin. Now I look shorter (I've lost 2 inches!) but also less stretched out! I think it must be from my tendons shortening but it always surprises me! This disease is nothing if not surprising! I try to remember at least I am moving even if I don't like the look of it! There is too much that is more important, I think.
You are not alone. I saw a picture of myself taken this week....and I could have cried. My long, blonde, curly hair had to be cut because I was losing a lot of it. It is now shorter, darker, thinner..I tend to keep it up in a 'barely there' ponytail rather than try to deal with it. I'm trying to tell ME that I am NOT my hair. It doesn't always feel that way, though. I look in the mirror and sometimes don't know who's looking back. :( I feel your pain...I keep telling myself that I'm adorable no matter what. ;)
Im sorry 2 hear that ur losing ur hair! i have always had very long naturally curly hair but about a wk ago i had 10 inches cut off! It was so nappy & looked awful! All over everything,my husbayaynd would wake up w/knots of it in his beard! I gotta a cut & style,which im told took 10 yrs of me,yay!! But unfortunatly its still coming out by the handfuls,thanks 2 mtx! Luckily i had so much 2 begin with! I 2 feel ur pain!
Lola- That's what my doctor thought too. But how I've lost hair is the issue. Are you taking folic acid with the MTX? That can help slow it down. I'm on leflunomide and still taking folic acid. We also added in biotin to help slow down the hair loss, which has finally happened. Now to grow it back in time for summer. Guess that's not going to happen.
Lola said:
Im sorry 2 hear that ur losing ur hair! i have always had very long naturally curly hair but about a wk ago i had 10 inches cut off! It was so nappy & looked awful! All over everything,my husbayaynd would wake up w/knots of it in his beard! I gotta a cut & style,which im told took 10 yrs of me,yay!! But unfortunatly its still coming out by the handfuls,thanks 2 mtx! Luckily i had so much 2 begin with! I 2 feel ur pain!