Dating and PSA - At what point do you tell?

At what point do you tell the new person in your life about your condition? I have found that I am more open about it now with friends and even strangers, but with men, I've been warned to wait so as to not freak them out. The last man I was with said he couldn't handle my disease. I don't blame him entirely for his jackassery. He had seen the worst of it 1.5 years before I was diagnosed and then 6 months after while I was experimenting with treatment. But I do worry about the next one. Now more than ever I feel pressure to find a mate before things really deteriorate. Does anyone else have experience in this area?

FYI - I'm lucky that my side effects are limited to fatigue and mild pain so I can usually function at 75%. However, there are some days when I can't go out and have to cancel plans. I'm also worried about being out with a guy and having to explain why I need to take a cab for 6 blocks.

Thats a tough one! luckily I have been with my fella about 2and a half years and he's very supportive and was relieved when I got my diagnosis......he was the one who pushed me to keep going back to my GP.

But I have to admit that I had off loaded about the rest of my problems very early on in the relationship (3rd date) as I would have rather he ran to the hills early on.............after hearing about my past life in all its glory, a diagnosis of PsA didn't frighten him........he says he loves me whatever.

I make sure I have my own space and he his for the moment as its better for me this way and means I don't depend on him........although I have to make sure I'm honest about how I am and he's seen me at my worst.......tears, snot the lot, because I was in so much pain and movement was so bad I couldn't get my knickers up! black eye because the aforesaid knickers had caused me to fall against the door handle in the bathroom.

He's also seen me improve and get back on my feet and back to work

Good luck and hope you find a goodun like mine :)

I understand your fear and hesitation on telling a guy about PsA. I had just started dating when I started getting really bad. My symptoms were really impacting the way I walked so I had to tell most of the guys something, luckily I found a man who was okay with the disease but I gave him the opportunity to leave at least 10 times. He stuck by me and we got married in April. I guess when you find the right guy he’s going stand by you no matter what. I hope you find someone to support you and stand by you. I a told guys usually by the second or third day of hanging out or if they asked why I limped.

Thank you both for your stories. My biggest fear is scaring them off. Although, I think they can tell somewhat as by the end of the last two dates I've gone on, each have mentioned I look exhausted. "Must have been a tough week." The right one will understand (as you both mentioned).

Really if it was up to me i figure being upfront with them you know whether they are for real anyway if they dont like you or dont want to be with you because of this disease then really wouldnt waste my time, like know that sounds harsh but if you cannot be with some one that respects you and your condition not worth it =) they should love every part no matter what =)

I quite agree Anastasia, if they’re not going to stick around they’re just not worth your time…its no fault of yours that you have this disease they need to accept and admire you for you and PsA is part of you
So why invest time in a relationship when they don’t know the full story, my fella liked my honesty, I know it wasn’t the PsA information as I hadn’t been diagnosed then but he knew all my other skeletons and the pain he could see for himself.
We experience an uncaring attitude from some people anyway, seeing posts on this site makes that clear, so this is one more group of people (potential mates) who may or may not be understanding, they just need sounding out.

What are you taking now for medicine?

I totally understand your worry! i worry about this too since I already havent had good luck with men to begin with. I got diagnosed while I was dating someone and never told him although it was during the worse of my symptoms and i know he noticed the pain and fatigue. i ended it for other reasons and strangely felt relieved i didnt have to tell him. i am hoping others are right and that the “right one” will understand. For now my plan is to wait until i know how he feels about me and where things are going before i tell him.