Bad and Worse

My hands are hurting so much today. I just don't know what to do. My rheumy told me to get another doctor because he feels that although I desperately need to be on a biologic, he is certain that doing so will kill me. I tend to get really major infections and had endocarditis (an infected heart valve) the last time i was on Enbrel. I would so much rather have a few good years now and then go to be with the Lord soon, then to have a long stretch of gradually decompensating until I"m not able to do anything at all.

Pain has been horrible. Thank God for Morphine.
I really want to have a container herb garden again this year. In fact, yesterday I bought a bunch of herbs. I dread the thought of transplanting them into the containers. It will kill my hands and shoulders. I may have to have a friend come over who can help me.
I"m so tired of having jobs that need to be done that I can't do. Like raking my yard. Like picking up all the sticks from a fallen tree in our yard after the hurricane. Thank God I have someone who helps me clean my house. I can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't have her. She is going to be moving soon. It will be hard to replace her.

I have to really think about what to do about the biologic. It's possible I won't find ANY doctor who is willing to prescribe one. I don't want to live in a nursing home. I don't think there's any way I could AFFORD to live in a nursing home. Worse than that thought is the thought of being stranded in my house, unable to do anything and having no one to care for me. It is not fair to expect my daughter to.And right now she has her own issues with possible cervical cancer. O Lord, it's such a mess!

I do feel for you and understand what your going through. Most days are tough days these days.

These are some of my suggestions that you might like to consider and they may help you. Find another doctor and keep on trying other medicines until they completely run out of ideas. Along with all my other medicines I take there is one called Pyralin which is Sulfasalazine. It has been around for a very long time and even though it is not enough it does help me a little. I am also on Mtx and Enbrel and Mobic and one for my tummy and others for pain. None make me feel like what I had hoped for but all help a little. Have you tried:- Pain Management. A TENS unit. Heat and Ice - one or the other or alternate them. Eating Healthy and eliminate all the manufactured and over processed foods, bad fats and refined sugars and limit your red meat. No chemical additives. Natural and Herbal medicines such as Vitamin D or Fish Oil capsules, Tummeric, Pau d'Arco or Cats claw (a herb) that have anti inflammatory properties. Then there is the power of postive thinking. Relaxation therapy or meditation. I try and keep my hands warm, I wear warm gloves and those ugly fingerless gloves at home when I need to keep my hands warm and do things. I also put my hands in as hot a water to warm them up. There are these pocket warmers you can buy which are made in China that warm up your hands. I don't know how they work they are just a little square packet covered in white fabric and you just shake them and they get hot and leave them and they cool down again.

I do hope that in some small way I have given you some hope. I wish you well.