Hello, i have been diagnosed with PsA about a year ago. I started methotrexate for a five months, then freeked out and stopped. The pain comes and goes, especially with effort in my left foot and my back and neck. I met this girl that i like and wanted to propose! When i read the posts here i freak out about the future. Can i support this family within a few years from now. Will i make this girl happy or will i add pain to her life. Has anyone here got married after diagnosis. Can the more experienced members give me advice. My Rheumatologist told me to go ahead, but i don't want to feel weak infront of my wife and children.
Islamaah,
First, congratulations on meeting a great girl that has you thinking of marriage. I am happy for you.
I would suggest you start by taking a deep breath & get some perspective. You are newly diagnosed & have yet to explore all of the treatment options. You say you freaked out & stopped methotrexate. You did not mention any other medications. There are biologic drugs & there is no reason for you to jump to the conclusion that your symptoms cannot be effectively managed. You cannot equate you situation to those that have dealt with this illness for many years, even before these current treatments were available. I have tried all of the available biologics with only marginal success but I am an exception, not the rule.
You need to understand that people are posting here when they have questions or hit rough spots or need to vent. The majority of postings are people having bad days or major flares or significant concerns. With a few exceptions, you are hearing the negatives and the failures and the struggles and the doubts.
But when a person's symptoms are managed, when they having good days, when there symptoms are minimal, they typically are out being active and caught up in their day to day life. They are not posting here. You cannot take the experiences posted here by others & expect to extrapolate the trajectory of your future life.
This forum, this community, is an amazing resource full of wonderfully supportive people. But it is not representative of the experiences of everyone with this diagnosis. I would recommend that you slow down and focus on finding the treatment options that best manage the illness. Start by taking care of you. Hopefully you may find a treatment option that alleviates you other concerns. Good Luck!
I wasn't diagnosed until after years of marriage and five kids (!!!), but have had PsA since early childhood. My husband married me with all my physical and psychological complexities (I was sexually and mentally/emotionally abused as a teen) because he loves me and wants to be with me no matter what. He didn't sign up for the severity of my disease, but that's the had WE were dealt, and we're coping with it.
Dandlyons makes some excellent points.
Does you physical condition make her happy or does your sense of humor, your wit, who you are inside make her happy? And about causing pain - with love comes great risk of pain, chronic illness or not. It is my opinion that we should not try for a life free from pain, but a life full of joy. A joy-filled life can, in fact must, include pain - if not for the pain, how could we know true joy? The rough times in my marriage and my life have only proven to strengthen both. I hope it's the same for you as well.
I am newly engaged (2 months ago) which is around the same time as my doctor diagnosed me. I have read all the same info that you have. I went to my fiance with all of the info. I told him that I could eventually be like his mother (she has rheumatoid) and I gave him the option. I said that I would fully understand if he wanted out. I know this isn't the life that we had planned. We are both very active people. We met at the gym through mutual friends. Now I can't do a lot of the things that I wish I could. He looked at me and said "in sickness and in health." I guess what I'm getting at is, if she is the right person, she will understand. You can't worry about what may happen years from now. Enjoy the time you have now. Congrats!
I was dx with PsA at age 10. Met my husband in college, married, had 2 kids. Been married 19 years this August. It's not necessarily easy, but marriages have all sorts of challenges, this was one we knew up front.
As long as you give full disclosure to your significant other and they accept it, then don’t let your condition limit your life… A good mate can be the difference between successfully dealing with illness. My wife has been wonderful with helping me through my health issues. I’d say go for it.