I have no idea how to even begin, other than I am so tired of this. The right side of my neck is acting up again–saw Dr. Abbas two weeks ago now–he poked around the area of C5-C6 and C6-C7 (OUCH) and prescribed more physical therapy for me. That starts next Monday. I know it’s going to end up with me at the neurosurgeon again, probably another MRI and more progression. Should I pull the trigger and have that surgery? All I know is I waited too long to have the left shoulder surgery. I will not do that again.
right side of my neck hurts which means my right shoulder–the one with part of my rotator cuff missing hurts and is stiff. Now it’s hurting down into my clavicle. Is it time for that surgery? I can’t wait as long as I did for my left shoulder.
Lefty arm is giving me fits again. More referred pain from the left side of my neck into my left shoulder blade.
Right hand started cramping on Friday because I worked too long on Thursday. A weekend under the electric blanket.
Right hip hurts. Another I/A injection into it on Friday. Left hip decided today is a good day to lock up periodically. My left foot is swollen. Both feet are stiff.
I’m trying everything I know but I am so tired of this.
I should be thinking of how blessed I am–I have a job I love and can still do. I love my husband; he loves me. We have a good life. I should be celebrating that if my blood work in July is good, the endo says I will officially be in remission from Graves Disease and we’ll begin titering me off Methimazole. Didn’t get to celebrate that because the vertigo is back.
I’m back in rehab for the vertigo because the ENT says I have the worst case he’s ever seen. I should be celebrating that the left side seems to have resolved and the right is greatly improved. Don’t feel like it. I’m too stiff and in too much pain.
We have good friends, one of whom is undergoing chemo for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma–he’s the one who should be saying the things I am. He’s not.
I’m not suicidal. I’m just tired–tired of being strong. Tired of motoring through. Tired of wondering how much energy I’ll have today.
I’m sorry but you have more then enough to not be happy about… You can be unhappy about the bad stuff while still being grateful for all the good things! And i understand it’s important to remember and realise all the good things… But just because you have an awesome husband doesn’t mean you can’t feel bad about being in pain… And just because it’s possible to be even more sick doesn’t mean you have to be happy about how your doing…
You can feel more then one thing at once! And you get to be tired from all that’s going on with you!
Don’t compare your suffering to anyone elses! Just because people starve doesn’t mean being hungry isn’t anoying… So being so hard on yourself! You’ve earned to not be perfectly happy and thankful…
I’m not saying fall down into depression and wallow in self pity! But don’t beat yourself up for not being thankful your constantly in pain…
This is a fallacy, and one I hope you don’t spend too much time on. Yes, your friend is having a bad time, and yours could be worse, but that does not negate your pain, or the exhaustion that you get from that pain.
You’re going through a particularly rough patch, and from what you’ve written, getting through it as best as you can. While I’d hesitate to say it’s “okay” to be unhappy with where you are or tired with being strong, it is - as long as you don’t let yourself fall too far down that hole, which is a risk we all live with.
Stay strong as you can, but know it’s okay to be weak too. It’s okay to be miserable with a situation, and, at the same time, have sympathy for someone else’s position, be that worse or not, from a given perspective. It’s not a zero sum game.
That part said, I’m hoping that at least some of your symptoms start to alleviate sooner rather than later.
Thanks, folks. My office is having a slew of visitors and put on lunch. I hadn’t planned to partake, but my husband decided to and shared it with me. I cried on his shoulder (second time today).
He also reminded me that in the 17 years since my dad died, the week the Keeneland Spring Meet opens is bad. Dad loved and followed horse racing year round but he especially loved the Spring Meet and the run-up to Derby Day.
Keeneland opens on Friday. We drove by there this morning on the way to rehab for the vertigo and the trees are beautiful. God’s country is Kentucky in the spring.
Anyway, I feel a bit better and am ready to do battle again.
So sorry you’re in such physical distress and glad to know you aren’t having thoughts any darker than being tired. You know there’s no room for “shoulds” though, right? [quote=“sixcatlawyer, post:1, topic:6920”]
I should be thinking
[/quote]
You know the ropes here. Please try to focus on you and only you until you’re able to manage better on a daily basis. And know we’re all thinking of you and hoping that you get some answers soon and some relief sooner still.
And Indiana is a close rival for springtime beauty I have to say. Oh and for the early onset of allergies.
Sorry to hear you’re going through such a tough time, sixcatlawyer, I hope it’s short-lived and I don’t know what else to say but this is the place to come to let off some steam about, damn it, feeling like crap and needing to get this off your chest! We all care and hope that this is a flare that will lift and life will be “more normal” soon! Ugly disease! Hate it!
That’s totally okay to say, because it IS exhausting feeling like you do right now! I hope today has been better!
Even though we’re expecting storms later this afternoon into tomorrow, today is a good, less pain day. I’m also in a better place mentally. I got a nap yesterday and slept from 11:15 last night to 7:30 this morning. I woke up late but we still made it to our various offices by 8:30. I also realized I hadn’t taken my Lexapro in 3-4 days yesterday. Remedied that right quick, too.
I thought about a flare. Paul and I were talking last night about the amount of stress I’ve been under since the middle part of February. I thought I had a trial starting this coming Monday, so I was trying to finish as much as possible in “my real job” as an appellate attorney AND do work on the trial. Then I got another bad round of vertigo, another round of myofascial pain syndrome and righty neck started acting up.
My trial was continued to August two weeks ago today, so all of a sudden, all the stress I had been under mostly left. I feel too well today to think I might be flaring–but it’s on my radar for a while.
That’s what we’re here for, and that’s what you’re here for, 6CL. Just “dumping” it all on our table lightens the load, then making contact with people who getis helps a little as well. On the next round, you’ll probably be the one “listening” and passing the cyberkleenex, and so it will go.
Ugly disease! Hate it!