5 am & I'm wide awake seriously worrying about the state of my health LOL. At least I know I'm not the only one. This site helps keep me the right side of panic - I can see Janeatiu's words "just breathe, I assume you can still do that?" And lamb writing "this is war ..."
In some ways Humira's helping, but I can also see ways I'm getting worse. The disease is running rings round me. It's like the hydra. I'm not strong on Greek myths but wasn't that the un-slayable beast? I have the feeling of running on empty. Maybe the time has come to get some counselling. Damn. One reason I've not wanted to do that is because I dread spending even more time thinking about myself & this disease ..... yet another appointment. I was quite happy with what was possibly denial ... but at this moment in time it does not appear to be working.
Off to a Tai Chi workshop tomorrow. Today I mean. And it helps, that's why I put the hours in. My joints work really well these days - me & the drugs are good at keeping joints moving but pain and new swelling suggests we're not quite good enough. And now I guess I need to work on that mysterious area between my ears .....
You know, Sybil, it's not like you don't have reason for concern. I'm not always sure where the line between worrying about something real and pathological anxiety is, and at 3 am it all feels pretty pathological, but any of us who do not have this disease under control do have things to worry about.
After taking a mindfulness class I came up with this design and slogan which I made into T-shirt for a few of my friends! "Meditation: It's Not What You Think"
