Hi I am married to a man with severe pa. I knew he had it when we meet but it was considered in remission or so we thought. We later found out (after his dr retired) that he was on a dangerous amount of steroids which made it seem like it was in remission. His new rumatologist has tried multiple medicines without much success. He is currently on methotrexate, diclofinax, methoprednisone, frolic acid, and has recently started remacade infusions (I can not spell his meds correctly so I am sorry about the mistakes) he has previously tried embryl, humaria, and symphony. The problem he is having now is pain in his hips and spine that make his life hard. His fingers are always swollen and toes deformed. I feel like his personality has changed since the medications were changed when the doctor retired. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced bouts of rage and anger followed by depression. It’s like he has become bipolar. I love him and want to be supportive but it can be soooooo hard. I guess I just feel guilt because I often just want him to controll his emotions. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to live in constant pain and want to be encouraging but feel shut out at times. I wanted to join this group so that I can see others who deal with this and get some ideas. I don’t want this disease to ruin my family as we have 4 children. Thanks for reading and letting me join. I feel better already 
Hello and welcome. This disease can be horrible. I always tell my teenage daughters how I feel it turns me into a monster. When I am in a flare the pain gets maddening. There is no escape from it. It not only makes me say things I regret but then I feel depressed because I can not do things with my children and grand children I use to enjoy. But your understanding & love will help him. Continue to be patient and supportive. I have been on remicaide for 3 months now. My rheumy is increasing my dose & frequency. It sometimes takes a little while to find the correct formula that works for us. I have seen a difference these past 3 months on the remicaide and I am optimastic about this new dosage. Remember we are here to suppost you as well. Feel free to ask any of us anything. We are all very willing to share what we have experienced. Also PLEASE keep us posted on your husbands progress. HUGS
Welcome to the group! I really relate to your story. I have PsA and use prednisone for asthma. It causes tremendous mood swings and is a real emotional and ohysical rollercoaster when it comes to the remissions and flares that it produces. I am a therapist and believe strongly that chronic illness is one of the most stressful and difficult things a family can go through. I highly suggest individual anf couples therapy! It is vital for each of you to understand how you feel about this illness and learn how to communicate these feelings to eachother. Keep coming back!
Your situation is so similar to ours. Meds have made my husband so sick over the years so he no longer takes any. We’ve tried everything, even acupuncture. The pain (and resulting lack of sleep) was causing major depression and anger. We are taking an entirely new approach now. We are now seeing a counselor together to deal with the reality of his painful disease and learning new ways to emotionally deal with it. He is also seeing a doctor to try some low dose pain pills as needed to sleep/function. It has made a huge difference in his pain level, ability to sleep, his emotional state, and our relationship. The key is to do counseling together. The disease controls both of you. I hope this helps. Sending you both healing thoughts.
Big hug for you. This disease sucks, I was in remission for just over 2 years from 1999-2001 and then had a massive flare up and everything went very bad. Things are under control now but I do go through mood swings even during the day. When it’s bad I can shut down emotional and easily get angry and frustrated as I don’t see a way out. Some prednisone may help get the symptoms under control. May want to also try a non TNF biologic/small molecule drug as you seem to be trying all TNF drugs (enbrel, humira, symphone and remicaid)… there is also orencia (T-Cell drug), rituxian (B-cell drug), actemra (IL-6 drug) maybe one of these will help manage the symptoms better.
I hope things improve both physically and emotionally. I know how hard it can be.
I am so sorry for the circumstances you are facing. Good for you for researching the computer for knowledge and support. When I am faced with fear and pain, doing something, rather than being a victim helps. Hang in there. I am the partner that has the condition, so I am not walking in your exact shoes. As your spouses caregiver, I emplore you to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself so that you can be there for your spouse and children. Many caregivers give and give until they are so depleted, there's nothing left for anyone including you. This site has been great for emotional support as well as knowledge. The dr.s can't give the time for every thought and detail. This site will give those details. Stay strong and hopeful, ok?
Sometimes steroids can causes some psychiatric disorders…also depression with this disease…I know as disease flairs my depression gets worst…maybe he needs professional help…i know not another medication but effexer works good for me…but do what you been doing…being there for him
Hello and Welcome New Here,
As everyone has already said, this is a battle and it is so wonderful your husband has you to help him through this ugly disease! You have gotton some great advice and I strongly agree that counselling for both of you would be very helpful, but I really want to encourage you to take extra care of yourself. I know that seems impossible when you are already caring for 4 children and an ill husband. However, without you at your best, everything else seems overwhelming. Take walks, chat online, read a book...anything that makes YOU feel fulfilled. All of us are on life paths that we may not have chosen if we had seen the future, but the beautiful part is WE control how we endure and survive the path. If you are a spiritual person embrace that!!! I am the one with PsA and I know my moods can swing widely without notice, but I try to keep them to a minimum by singing in my head or having one ear piece playing all kinds of music while I am at work. Music is my solace...try it!
This disease definitely affects more people than the one that actually has it. I am sure my family gets frustrated and concerned about me too. PLEASE PLEASE be patient with your husband. I would recommend just letting him know you are there to support him and follow his lead.We all usually have good and bad days so some days we may want to talk about it and receive that support when other days we may not. If his depression is to a point where you are concerned he might hurt himself you definitely want to let his doctor know. Depending on where he gets care, there are alsp some hospitals that have support groups that meet in person which might help him
I am so very sorry for the situation you find yourself in. As a sufferer from this illness, I can say that yes, grouchiness, mood swings, and all that can happen. It is often really upsetting to find oneself being that way, but the disgusting feelings from the meds (they are awful at times) and the general pain all the time are beyond belief tiresome.
You should perhaps go out for coffee with your best friend, and share your feelings. But I encourage you to also, when he feels well enough, to ask (asking rather than confronting) your husband how he is, how various treatments feel, and perhaps in that way he can express more calmly to you what is going on for him. I know that love and understanding are very important for the sufferer, but you also need some TLC. He'd give it, no doubt, and may well do so, but your best friends can also provide support. But I would try not to paint your husband as some sort of monster - it should be clear to them that he has a very serious illness that causes extreme discomfort, and the treatments can be really hard to endure.
Your coming to this site is a very good step, and you'll find people here very supportive, too.
I do hope this helps!
Thank you all for replying. It is refreshing to know that I am not the only person dealing with this issue. We are looking into therapy to better cope with this part of our lives. Many of you have said what I knew all along. I know I should take time for myself it’s just hard to find it with the kids and everything else. My kids even come to work with me. I am going to try to schedule time alone because I think I am just becoming burnt out. He did see a doctor for the mood problems but the meds that he was put on caused more bad than good reactions. We are hoping that therapy can be enough. I think that if I can gain a better understanding of what he is dealing with, I will be able to handle things better and not take the mood swings personally. We just ordered a sauna dome to help with the problems in a natural way. Someone with a chronic condition that he knows swears by it so we figured why not. We are just going to keep working on it and I’m going to do everything I can to stay positive. It truly is like a weight is lifted just from posting about my situation. I think it’s because my husband is so private that I really don’t discuss this issue at all. To talk about it with others makes my concerns seem more real. I am so happy to have found this community.
Welcome to our homes,
Your husband is quite blessed having you, such a caring spouse! I am sure this helps his condition. Something that has helped me immensily is a good network of family and friends. My family and friends are just a phone call away. They are there when I need them the most. Some friends are previous students, others are neighbors, others are church members. All in all, between having you and the network that surrounds you (even your kids), counseling, and meds this big monster of PsA will be bearable. You also have us.
Thanks gelita. As a fellow teacher I’m sure you understand some of the stress related to work as well 
Gelita said:
Welcome to our homes,
Your husband is quite blessed having you, such a caring spouse! I am sure this helps his condition. Something that has helped me immensily is a good network of family and friends. My family and friends are just a phone call away. They are there when I need them the most. Some friends are previous students, others are neighbors, others are church members. All in all, between having you and the network that surrounds you (even your kids), counseling, and meds this big monster of PsA will be bearable. You also have us.
I know. Teachers not only deal with unruled children, but deal with their rude parents as well. Prayer got me going. Praying for you.