I live alone and I've been getting EXTREMELY sick from my compromised immune system. I seem to catch everything and get so weak, can barely walk downstairs to my kitchen, can't drive to the doctor or the drug store for medicine. Before Christmas I had bronchitis for 10 days and I realized I need a back up plan to get help next I'm sick. Also, the 10-day isolation, being alone in the house, was awful. Extremely depressing and on some days I was actually a little scared being so sick and alone.
It would be helpful to know how others, who live alone, cope when they get sick and need help.
Hi Frances, although I don't live alone my husband works 125 miles from home (a two hour journey by train) and also travels overseas alot and every time he is away I can guarantee I have a flare-up or some other illness so I can totally understand how alone and frightened you can feel. I also live in a small village with no public transport so if I can't drive I am totally stuck.
Here in the UK many of the pharmacies/drug stores offer a home delivery service and I know that some charities or social services will also be able to help. I can also (hopefully!!!) get a GP to visit me at home if I'm too unwell to get to the surgery. I have a list of local taxi company numbers, a couple of neighbours, my good friends and also my rheumatology helpline numbers by my phone so that in an emergency I don't have to search out contact details. I think asking for help is tough for all of us but the two times I've been really in a pickle recently and had to call for help it has been given so generously that I haven't for a moment worried about putting anyone out.
Maybe you could ask your doctor whether there are any support services available in your area? It would be really good if your post generates lots of replies so that we could put together a 'help action plan' on this site. Jules
Thanks Jules. I definitely have an emergency plan and that needs to include asking friends for help and I hate doing that. I need to get over that. Maybe, if I ask 2 friends now if they don't mind being an emergency back up for me, I'll be more apt to ask for help when I need it. I'm very independent and hate to ask for help. I think I also need to reach out by phone when I'm sick so I don't feel so isolated. I could chat on the phone with my friends - I haven't done that either.
I don't live by myself but I can say that learning and accepting that it's ok to ask for help is huge. It took me several months to even accept the help my bf was offering. I've found that most people want to help some, they're just waiting to be asked.
I don't live by myself but I can say that learning and accepting that it's ok to ask for help is huge. It took me several months to even accept the help my bf was offering. I've found that most people want to help some, they're just waiting to be asked.
My husband works a lot. When the kids were small, we went through a phase for almost 2 years where he was working 16 hrs / day (high tech company, it was crunch time and he was a newish employee), and I had a toddler and baby at home. I couldn't leave the house when I was sick, I would get so sick there was no way I could physically do it.. So I set up "emergency" stuff for various illnesses.
I had a plastic bin with a thermometer, enough cold medicine in various formulations to get me through 7 days of illness (nasal only, mucinex for lungs, stuff with Tylenol, without, Sudafed 12 hr and 4 hr, combination everything cold medicine, etc). In there I also had lip balm, some minty thing for around my nose to help me breath, cough drops, etc. I kept an extra stash of tissues (a shrink-wrap of 3 boxes so I wouldn't use them up).
Along with the emergency tub for illness, I kept a lot of backup foods in my small chest freezer, and canned goods in the pantry (soups, fruit, etc). If it was just me I could have survived on that alone through my whole illness. I tend to only want soup, tea, juice, toast, and fruit when I'm sick.
As for the keeping in touch, I felt very isolated when sick. I would make sure to call and / or email someone (friend or family) to let them know I was sick on the first day. That way, SOMEONE would call to check up on me eventually, and I wouldn't feel so isolated. When I felt more alert I would keep sending emails, catching up with people. It helped to have that connection when I felt awful.
I think you have absolutely hit on it Sunny "most people want to help some, they're just waiting to be asked".
Sunny said:
I don't live by myself but I can say that learning and accepting that it's ok to ask for help is huge. It took me several months to even accept the help my bf was offering. I've found that most people want to help some, they're just waiting to be asked.
Thanks Marietta, the emergency sick kit is a great idea and the emergency food. Thanks for taking to the time to respond.
Frances
Marietta said:
My husband works a lot. When the kids were small, we went through a phase for almost 2 years where he was working 16 hrs / day (high tech company, it was crunch time and he was a newish employee), and I had a toddler and baby at home. I couldn't leave the house when I was sick, I would get so sick there was no way I could physically do it.. So I set up "emergency" stuff for various illnesses.
I had a plastic bin with a thermometer, enough cold medicine in various formulations to get me through 7 days of illness (nasal only, mucinex for lungs, stuff with Tylenol, without, Sudafed 12 hr and 4 hr, combination everything cold medicine, etc). In there I also had lip balm, some minty thing for around my nose to help me breath, cough drops, etc. I kept an extra stash of tissues (a shrink-wrap of 3 boxes so I wouldn't use them up).
Along with the emergency tub for illness, I kept a lot of backup foods in my small chest freezer, and canned goods in the pantry (soups, fruit, etc). If it was just me I could have survived on that alone through my whole illness. I tend to only want soup, tea, juice, toast, and fruit when I'm sick.
As for the keeping in touch, I felt very isolated when sick. I would make sure to call and / or email someone (friend or family) to let them know I was sick on the first day. That way, SOMEONE would call to check up on me eventually, and I wouldn't feel so isolated. When I felt more alert I would keep sending emails, catching up with people. It helped to have that connection when I felt awful.
I just had a similar discussion with my mom. She called one night when my temp went up close to 102. I don’t usually, and haven’t recently had one that high. I was breathing really heavy and thinking/problem solving was difficult. It was scary bc I wasn’t thinking real clearly bc of the fever.
Once my temp went down I was able easily tell my mom that I would call a neighbor if I needed to go to the ER or I would call a cab if needed. I was aware that driving would not have been a good idea while in that state.
I like the emergency sick kit idea too! I didn’t have cough drops or cough syrup. The Aleve and Tylenol were also not enough to control the pain.
I currently live alone as well. I have been grappling with a lot of the same issues. In my case it is not so much catching other stuff as just the intensity of my recent flares. I am getting slammed by fatigue.
The suggestions thus far have been very helpful. A sick kit and food stores are a great idea.
For me, I realized that the feeling that I am not getting anything done is frustrating. The chores piles up and only excaserbate the situation and worsen my mood. So I have been looking to find alternatives to employ to keep things moving when I am impaired. I have ordered groceries online for delivery. I have amazon prime, so I realized I can order just a lot of things and have them within two days. I have my laundry done (fluff and fold). The first time I rcvd a bundle of clean folded clothes or a grocery order, It really improved my mood. I didn't feel as though everything was just piling up on me. I have started getting maid service on ocassion. Again, to see things straightened up and clean is refreshing and boost my spirits.
I am getting better at reaching out by text/email, phone, even Skype. Sleep disruption sometimes screws up my schedule and I find myself awake in the wee hours of the morning. I use those opportunities to reconnect with some friends overseas.
I need to get better at excepting help. Friends have offered. I too am independent and have typically declined. I think your idea of working out a plan ahead of time with a couple of friends is an excellent idea. I think it would be easier to accept help if it were prearranged & according to plan. When I am sick I just not good at even identifying what help I may need.
Thanks for raising this topic. I hope you are doing better now ;-)
Thanks Dandlyons, I am feeling better now and hope I stay that way ! Thanks for all your suggestions. Although I like it better when my house is all organized, clean etc. I've learned to accept that it's ok if it isn't always like that. I;ve decided to get maid service more often. The fluff and fold is a wonderful idea ! A great way to use our single status to our advantage - we don't have as much laundry !
i also get slammed with fatigue - in fact the past 2 days and this am - slept through the alarm 3 times ! My so-worker has had RA for 20 years and sees the Director of Rheumatology at John Hopkins, a research hospital - he admitted they aren't doing enough research to address arthritis fatigue and are focused on the pain angle mostly.
I'm terrible at asking for help, so I do think asking in advance of a need will make me feel more comfortable asking when i do need help - sounds crazy but I think it will work for me ! :-)
If I think of anything else I'll post it here and hope you will do the same.
Thanks for responding Cheryl - you described better, how sick I get. I also get so sick that I don't trust my reasoning and thought process and don't think I should drive.
Cheryl (CLR) said:
Hi Frances, I just had a similar discussion with my mom. She called one night when my temp went up close to 102. I don't usually, and haven't recently had one that high. I was breathing really heavy and thinking/problem solving was difficult. It was scary bc I wasn't thinking real clearly bc of the fever.
Once my temp went down I was able easily tell my mom that I would call a neighbor if I needed to go to the ER or I would call a cab if needed. I was aware that driving would not have been a good idea while in that state.
I like the emergency sick kit idea too! I didn't have cough drops or cough syrup. The Aleve and Tylenol were also not enough to control the pain.