This is such a hard question for advice because having children is such a personal thing. I do have to admit, along with someone elses comment up there, that my pregnancy made the PA flare up and I think it did make it worse in general after that. If you decide not to, you should consider adoption, but if you decide to get pregnant maybe you should go on one of those anti-inflammatory diets. My sister did that after years of not being able to get pregnant and then 30 days into the diet she got pregnant. Maybe certain foods don't do well with us and cause inflammation/ PA but also cause other things we aren't aware of like infertility. It's worth a shot, it might at least make you PA better. After a pharmacists reccommendation and lots of research I have decided I am starting the diet too.
I didn't realize it, but my PsA really started to flare when I was pregnant with my 2 year old. This was obviously prior to my diagnosis. I chalked it all up to pregnancy woes until it didn't get better, but got worse, after giving birth. I still have my swollen pregnancy "cankles". I guess I have to face it that they just aren't going to go away:)
As a mom of a 10 and 2 year old I can tell you it is not easy. There are days when I am in pain and when my patience just isn't there and I have to take quite a few deep breaths to get through it. But then my kids give me that smile, hug, or just say "I love you mommy" and I realize how great life is, and how lucky I am.
The people I work with ask me all the time how I do it. I get up at 5am, drop the kids at school and daycare, and then work until 6 or 7pm, come home and get ready for the next day. It's not easy, but my answer always is "I just do it". I do it because I have to do it. We all adjust. I know there will be a time when I can't do what I'm doing now, and I'll adjust. My kids will adjust. We just need to take things one day at a time.
Pregnancy is a crap shoot. Some people feel the best they've ever felt, and some people are miserable. There is no way to predict how yours will be. My psoriasis disappeared when I was pregnant with both my girls. But my joint pain was pretty bad with my 2 year old.
I do worry about my girls having RA, PsA, or AS since all are so prevelent in my family. But maybe they won't. If they do, I hope that by that time there are better treatments, or best yet-a cure!
I know this much-I couldn't imagine my life without my girls. I know that they love me even if I can't walk them to the park or play frisbee outside. They love me unconditionally because I am their one and only mom and because I love them.
Not all people have a calling to motherhood. If you feel in your heart that this is what you want there are many different ways to make it happen. You just need to find what is right for you.
I wish you the best of luck!!
I have 2 great kids, a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. Would I do it again? Absolutely, no questions asked. My PsA as a father has meant that my wife and I had to stop at 2 children, I couldn't stop MTX again and so those are some of the sacrifices you have to make.
My kids are sometimes the only thing that keep me going. Its the times when you are feeling sorry for yourself and your child makes you laugh or asks for a cuddle, that make it worth every moment. I worry about whether they may get PsA, RA etc but it wouldn't have affected my choice to have kids.
The things I find the hardest are not being able to run around the park with my kids, kick a ball with my son and just generally be an active Dad. My kids don't understand yet but I know they will one day.
It isn't an easy decision to make and after seeing my wife go through 2 very miserable pregnancies, I can understand what an even harder choice it would be for a woman with PsA.
Hello Alexa,
I am realatively new and going through all of the discussions, this site has been a life-saver for me, I have been given so much of everything here, information, compassion...and have to do research to keep up, so many new things have been learned.
During that research, I was presented with a different concept to the nature of Eastern medicine, as far as balancing the body with foods considered both hot and cold by nature. Most accupuncture sites will explain this better than I can. But one of the examples of the body being 'too cold' (arthritics are considered cold by nature)was problems with conception, of course there could be other factors, but if you do decide to have your own children, may I suggest an Oriental acupuncturist, they can even help control inflammation, would be far less expensive than fertility, but you would need to go often, usually three times a week to begin with for a while. They are also master herbalists, mix it all up right there for you.
They can recommend a proper balance of 'hot and cold' foods for you, and this goes beyond the temp and into the very nature of the plant.
Ferhad52 first talked with me about the nature of food.
The choice of children has to be yours and your husband's, I cannot top the stories told here, but so glad I have my son and grandkids, they are my heart!
Hope this helps bring you some peace of mind.
SK
Wow, tough question but an excellent one. I'm truly sorry that you have to be facing questioning something as natural as being a mother, and you surely sound like good mother material, judging by your concerns.
I've heard several women say they went into remission during their pregnancy, so you might be able to tick that one off of your list. It might be worth your while to research it further (look on other boards and ask there, too, to see if pregnant women do better while pregnant.)
Who's to say, excellent treatment may be available for your potential child in 10 - 20 years. Or a cure may be found by then. Or your potential child might not even get the disease. Of course, there is always the possibility that they might get it and might suffer. But by that same rationale, alcoholics wouldn't have children. Or people with diabetes. Tons and tons of people, in fact. Our own parents. Was it worth it for us to be born, even with/in spite of the pain? It's something to do a lot of soul searching on. I can't give you a better answer than that.
Your energy level could be an issue, as could your ability to pick up and hold your child. I tell you this because I'm an older woman and had considered having another child until it became clear to me that something was definitely "up." On my bad days, I don't know how I would cope with a young one. But then again, you never know. My own son was fairly quiet and didn't need a ton of energy. See? Again, it's not a simple "yes" or "no." I think you'd have to have strategies in place before you had the child for dealing with the bad days, like parents or a sibling to take care of the little one if you're feeling crummy. Ways to keep the little one occupied if you feel crummy. Easy foods to have on hand. I think it CAN be done but it would be tough at times.
Sending you HUGS for your difficult dilemma.
I have two children - 6 & 3. I was diagnosed after I have them but I have known for years that my immune system hates me. I certainly wouldn't change my mind about having them. They understand that some days are good and some are bad for me and they are fine with it. My husband is great so takes up the parenting slack when I am having a flare up. Also, he gets on with his immune system so I am hoping that combined genetics means they'll have adequate health!
Someone earlier mentioned they were worse when pregnant. I was the opposite and was much better! I was better for about a year afterwards too. In fact I had a flare up once I returned to work and my evil boss. Maybe there's a link...
Alexa35~ I was diagnosed with PsA in March of 2006 at the age of 30. I had been told at 18 I had PCOD and I may not ever have children. Just as you I longed to be a Mommy at an early age. As an adult in my 20’s and married at 19 I felt less than a woman not being able to conceive a child… Fast forward…I had my first daughter in January of 2003, I was 27. She was born critically ill with ARPKD and Carolis Disease. After my daughter was born I began hurting so bad, walking was difficult and I spent all my days with my daughter in the hospital which was about 90% of the time for 2 and a half years. I didn’t pay any mind to my health because my daughter was my main focus at that time… Fast forward my daughter passed away at the age of 2 1/2 in Nov. 2005. In March I finally went to see a doctor who referred me to a Rheumy. I found out that I had PsA. It felt like I just kept receiving blows and my life was ending. Well my life didn’t end! I have learned to try and live each day. Well my daughters father and I split soon after our daughters death and I became a liner thinking no kne would except me with this disease… Self pity bites by the way. Lol well lets fast forward to 2011. My bad days would soon get better… I met a man in Jan. 2011, married him in April 2011, conceived in May 2011 and had my second daughter in February 2012! I one thought my first daughter was my miracle baby but God blessed me twice! At first I didn’t think of will my daughter have this or that or inherite this or that… All I knew us she was here and I loved her and she makes me want to live and continue! I have spoke to her pediatrician and we will keep a close eye on her for signs of anything. I pray for Gods hands to protect her everyday. Now as for symptoms of PsA while pregnant… Mine went away during my pregnancy. I had no pain and my joints were popping and stretching and oh it was relief for me! My I have spondylitis as well and my back hadn’t popped in years well it would pop and oh it felt so good. I did however develop gestational diabetes as with my first and the insulin stopped working at week 37. My daughter was born healthy though. I can’t say that everyone’s PsA symptoms subside because I have heard that some folks do get worse… But having a baby is worth all the pain to me. Follow your heart and let God have control. Que Sera Sera whatever will be will be… BTW it’s June 2012 and I am again pregnant. My daughter is 4 and a half months now and this one will be here in February 2013. Good luck to you. I will keep you in prayer and God bless. Life is lived to learn lesson, make good out of the bad and build strength from weaknesses. Live your story it’s yours and yours alone. Much love to you and your spouse. Never give up! 0:)
I have been living with symptoms of this since I was about 12. I am now 25 and just gave birth to my daughter May 17th. I was in the same position you were. I chose to have a child. I had the same fears you did. It was either, have a child now or start medication...I was in so much pain the whole nine months. But it is what I have wanted my whole life. It never seemed fair that I couldn't completely enjoy my pregnancy. I did have a wonderfully perfect baby and all the pain was so worth it! I too was afraid of bringing someone into this world that could potentially have what I have. I felt it was selfish to even consider putting someone through that. My mom or dad do not have any of this. They were never faced with this decision. Should I be deprived of my biggest dream in life because I know the risks? And if you think about it, everyone has some sort of trial in their life that makes things a little more difficult. We have a name for ours and it doesn't go away, why should we miss out on things because of that? I look at it if my daughter does end up with this it will be hard and heart breaking, but she has one up. She has me who has seen and experienced the whole struggle from the beginning trying to get a diagnosis-that should help her journey to have support from her mother who has been through it. Plus from what I have read just because you have it doesn't mean your children will. I understand not wanting to take that chance. And like others have said adoption is also an option. I have two step children that my husband and I have 100% of the time. They are five and seven and are very self sufficient. They take pride in being a big boy and girl and helping me. They don't know why I hurt, but they know I hurt and they help with everything!! I hate that they have to, but it's love. My husband is also amazing. If he could pick me up I'm sure he would carry me everywhere on those days I can't get out of bed. The unconditional love from those around you, blood or not is what matters most. Our lives have to be adapted to deal with what we have, but it's our life. We have to make the most of it. For me I'm not that mother that can carry her baby everywhere. Those carriers or wraps hurt my back too badly. Carrying the car seat is so painful but i do it only when i have to. I have adapted in that i will put her in the stroller in the house when i go from room to room. I am afraid my hips will give out (like they have done many times before) and I will drop her, so I stroll her around, lol There is a way to have what you want. It may not be easy or how you have dreamed it will be, but it can happen for you. I wish you the best. I am still struggling with this and will be my whole life, I'm sure. I wish you the best. I wish you strength to make the decision that is right for you and your family :)
oh...and my kids are just as happy running circles around me than me running after them :) You don't always have to keep up.
What a beautiful heart and wise head you have PNfree.