I have been suffering from PsA for 5 years now. I did everything I was supposed to do. Diet, exercise, medications, meditation, therapy, physical therapy. I saw a pain specialist who did millions of injections but since it is in every joint, I was still in major pain all the time. then a neurologist to deal with the onset of fibromyalgia which my rheumy said started becasue “i was so sick and in so much pain for so long that my nervous system went insane.” Everyone i knew and loved including my family and ex husband turned on me. i am living alone in state housing becasue i am disabled and it’s all i can afford. A lot of bad people live here. I dont have a single friend. i saw one more pain doctor yesterday and he said becasue the PsA will not go away, he cant help me. he didnt want to prescribe any drugs becasue i could become addicted.
Well, at this point, i would rather be addicted to narcotics than live another second like this. it is torture and never ending. even in sleep i wake up countless times becasue my joints are being crushed by my body weight. I done so much research into anything i can think of to help. and if one more person says well it could be worse, at least you…
i am trying very hard not to be angry and have given up on trying to find meaning in any of this. i know our mind likes to find patterns to make sense of things and thats all the search for meaning is. this disease is meaningless and has destroyed my life.
it has taken everything i had to get thru the separation of husband, family and friends. i have nothing left to put toward my everyday battle with pain and limitations. i am getting old and will die one day anyway. so what is the point of living 5, 10 or more years this way then dying anyway?
i need some sort of hope that is real and medical science cannot offer it. Nor religion or philosophy. Is there anything else?