I pulled some weeds in my yard this morning with two of my children and after about 2pm I was so sore and fatigued. I took a nap and felt a little better. Tonight was church service so I bathed a couple of kids and did a little laundry and I was so fatigued. I told my husband I couldn't make it to church because I didn't feel good, He was very frustrated with me and was upset because I did some yard work. I don't have control over Psa. I feel he doesn't really understand or wants to sometimes. My attitude wasn't the best. What to do?

I'm not married and my daughter is in college, so I can push myself and crash when I want. My sister who has Lupus, told me her husband gets frustrated when she over does it and then can't spend time with him and he gets upset seeing her so fatigued and uncomfortable. She doesn't have any children, but fosters puppies sometimes and that takes a lot of energy. She said she's trying to balance her needs while understanding that she needs to save energy to do things with him.

Have him read the spoon theory from:

This way you can start to communicate on a very basic level about how you feel. If you start out the day feeling bad, you can tell him you have very few spoons that day. That should be clear then that you will not be doing even your "normal" amount of things. When you are out of spoons, tell him you are out, and no matter how much you WANT to do something, you have no more left.

The up and down of feeling good and overdoing it is something we all deal with. What I've had to explain to my husband (and myself!) is that when I feel better I need to LIVE, and do something extra, because if I am constantly rationing for everyone else's needs only, I'm not living. Sometimes I'll tell my husband I'm feeling better, and am going to do X activity, and that I'm going to pay for it tomorrow. We plan for that.

After some experience this won't be such a surprise to either of you when it happens. Like I said, start with the spoon theory. If your husband is particularly clueless, go so far as to get a handful of spoons from Goodwill, put them in a pretty mug on the counter, so you husband can physically SEE approximately how many spoons you have at any one time. If he comes home and there are spoons in the mug, he might get lucky or you can stay up and watch a movie together. If he comes home and the mug is empty of spoons, he'll know you're not up for anything other than going to bed and sleeping. If he doesn't leave before you in the morning, you can throw an approximate number of spoons in the mug right away, and he can see how the day is for you.

Hugs to you, it's tough with kids and parenting and being pulled from all directions when you just want it to stop hurting.

I am suffering big time today after doing a few things yesterday. But I got stuff done so I am happy with that. It’s all about compromise and I agree with Marietta when I feel able I do things even though I know I will pay for it. There may come a day when I can’t ever do anything so I need to do things while I can. The spoon explanation is one of the best ways of explaining it to people.