Last night I was laying in bed.....so Chemo (Methotrexate) sick I could barely lift my head....doing a lot of thinking! I have been living with PsA for 21 years now and I really think I have heard every reaction/questions a person not dealing with PsA could have. Here are just a few I get often:
"What is that?"
"Auto-Immune! That can be fixed, right?"
"Why are you Super Woman some days and bed ridden other days?"
"Oh wow you don't LOOK sick!"
"I have back pain so I understand how you feel!"
"That's not fair.....your such a good person!"
"Atleast it's not CANCER!!!"
My answers are a range of science, fact, spiritual insight, strength/weakness depending on how I'm feeling that day and I always end with "These are my cards. This is what I was dealt. Is it easy? No way! But I must live my best life ever! I am a mom, wife, sister and friend that people depend on....I can't give up! I am a fighter!"
However, lately I have been getting tired of being so freaking positive!
I have now come up some new answers....I will continue with my normal responces but decided to add this:
"Yes, atleast it's not CANCER! Cancer feels like a DEATH sentance. The thought of such aggressive treatments, losing my hair and possibally my life would be horribal! But 85% of cancer is treatable and non-reaccuring. That's actually good news, right?"
"PsA is a LIFE sentance. Every week for the rest of my life I take low grade Chemo which makes me sick. Every 4 weeks for the unforseeable future I get admitted into the hospital to sit and get poison dripped into my veins that YES I am allergic to! Every time I wash my hair I never know if it's going to fall out due to drug reactions. Daily I struggle with pain and know that there will be surgeries in my future just to try and keep me mobile. I get poked, prodded, xray'ed, mri'ed, ct'ed, blood drawn and am in a Dr's office so much it's become habit. PsA is only teatable to an extent. It will NEVER go away and it will always be a huge part of my life. SO I think I would rather it be CANCER!!!"
I know this sounds extreem but I really and at the end of my rope with peoples stupidity......Does anyone else feel this way?