I am preparing for a flare from hell. This week has just been bad news on top of bad news with no stopping in sight. I stayed home from work on Monday so I could go to the doctor and get meds for this crazy cough I have had for over a month. That wasn't so bad, but when I went to school Tuesday, I found out that there was going to be a huge lay off, including myself. They call it an honorable release of position but that doesn't help me in the least. I now have too much experience, I can't stand for more than 10 - 15 minutes at a time with accomodations. In other words, my teaching career has come to an abrupt halt. My Mom has been taken by e-unit to the hospital twice since Saturday and they have no idea what is wrong. I live 6 hours away from her and I can't do anything to help her. Hubby is scheduled for surgery on Friday so I cannot go to see Mom until he is well enough to take care of himself. Hubby's family are being stupid and putting undue pressure on him. I can't talk about any of this in the real world as I lose it and just start bawling like a baby so I thought I would vent a bit on here. My mind keeps running away from me and trying to figure out what to do to support my family without going back to school (I'm still too deep in debt from the first time). My PsA isn't bad enough to retire nor are we financially able to do so. Since the bulk of my debt is student loan related, filing for bankruptsy isn't even an option. Since our marriage isn't the normal, we cannot deal with things the way a normal couple would. This just adds to the problems. This is how my mind works, even though I am pretty much a positive person, I just do not see a way out of this short of a genuine miracle. Even though this all came down yesterday, my two little patches of psoriasis have already gotten super flaky and then I start to pick making it all worse. The only good news is that I am on antibiotics and so the PsA isn't quite as painful but I'm sure that will change once the stress flare sets in.
I'm really not usually such a downer but everything just is piling on too quickly and I really don't know how much more I can handle.
I'm sorry about all of this. I'm glad you can vent here though. Maybe getting some of it off your chest will help a bit. You know what? Do what you can to get through it, and that's that. In terms of your husband's family, wouldn't it be funny to ban them from the hospital? You have the right to do it, I think.
You do not need all this stress and I feel for you. Your skin and your PSA will get worse if you don't get a grip on your situation. I can only tell you about my tactics for coping and I hope they will help you. I have had to face so much, so many times before. My strategy is to take action in what I can do and accept what I can't do. Sometimes when we become so overwhelmed it is almost impossible to think clearly. Then you need to just slow down and look at each and every problem separately, logically and in a practical sense. For instance, can you keep in touch with your mother over the phone or through other family members or the doctors or nurses about her condition. If this is the best you can do, accept it and don't bash yourself up over it, you have your hubby to think about right now with his surgery. There is only so much one person can do at a time and taking one step at a time is all we can do. Look for new possibilities for employment perhaps tutoring or how you can use your skills in other fields perhaps in a training area and don't just look at the skills you have trained in look at your other skills and this could be things you do on a daily basis. Any employment is better than no employment so do not restrict yourself. I have always had the attitude that I would clean toilets if it meant it would provide food on the table for my children who are now adults. I never had to do that, it is all about having the right attitude. I have always been able to cut back on my spending and make do with what I have, you don't need to buy anything new for yourself for a long while and if you look at your clothing and possessions that you do have it will probably last you a year a least and that is a long time and it allows you time for changes to happen in your circumstances. Focus on the necessities like food and the roof over your head and a bed to sleep in and I always consider that anything more is a bonus. Change that roof over your head to more affordable or make it more affordable. I have had to share my living space by renting out a room, it is not what I like to do but it has helped me out. I have grown my own vegetables and sold the excess and kept chickens and sold the excess eggs. You can sell things you no longer use or can do without. I have make things from scrap fabric and collected items that I fixed up and sold, I have made greeting cards, jewellery, soap, pickles and jams and sold them at market stalls and any left overs became a supply of gifts for favours from my neighbours and friends who may have helped me out in some small way. Sometimes it was not much money for the effort but if I made enough to buy enough groceries to feed myself and my two sons it was worth it to me. My worth per hour is worth nothing when unemployed so every dollar I earned was was money to pay a bill or buy food. Talk to your financiers to see what re-arrangements you can make or if you can defer payments. Far better to take action now and try and prevent the problems from escalating which they can still do, but just knowing every effort was made helps not to have regrets. I wish you well and I do hope things improve for you very soon and my words of wisdom from experience will help you.
Well, hubby is now home and tucked in bed and resting. Surgery went well. Mom is home and they discovered a calcium deposit on her brain which is causing her problems. She has a diagnosis and that is a relief in itself. Some of the stress has been lifted and I seem to have a grip on my life again. As far as the PsA, the big flare didn't happen. I am a bit stiff (but that is the usual), but I didn't flare like I thought I would. The psoriasis if a bit worse but nothing like I thought it would be. I still do not know what the future holds as far as my job goes, but I do feel more positive about it. Thanks for listening to my vent and offering your advice. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.