posted from my blog: Lessons in the Higher Education of Life
Today I have become resigned to recline. I'm not going to use my energy fighting to do the things I know I can't do, to do so will only make it worse. Today I can't afford worse. This is the worst it has been all at once, I'd really rather not know what worse than this is.
I remember being in the early stages of labor with my firstborn thinking, 'this isn't all that bad, I can handle this'. Ok, so I learned. I realize now that I was the same way when I was diagnosed with PsA. I'd already been living with all of these symptoms, now it has a name and we have a plan. I can handle this. ...I'm learning.
I was blessed to respond to medication very quickly after being diagnosed and it was good for the first couple of years. I could actually carry 2 cups of coffee up the stairs! Had to change meds and had a bad reaction
to the next one causing the additional symptoms of 'drug induced lupus'. Several notches downhill but got to a holding steady that wasn't too bad all things considered. I could still go to work every day but not able to do anything else the rest of the day. Funny how your perspective of pain changes with PsA. A good day is when I'm holding 3 - 5 on the pain scale - hate that pain scale :) - but it is what it is.
But now ... today ... everything is off of every scale I've ever measured by. I have to stop now and let my body do what it's going to do next and let the doctors do what they will do next. The first thing, they tell me, is that I have to stop.
So today I am resigned to recline so that I may rise again another day. I can handle this. I'm learning...
