Not Exactly New, But First Post

Hi y'all! I am a 33 year old opera singer, I am married, and have two cats, and a therapy dog Maggie, who is the light of my life. I joined this site last fall when I was having trouble breathing, but never felt the courage to post. I finally decided what the hell.

My breathing issues turned out to be multiple severe lung embolisms, and I was in the hospital for a long time. I had to go to half a dozen doctors before one realized what was happening and sent me away in an ambulance. I told the people in the hospital that I totally couldn't stay because I had to rehearse. I had rehearsed the very same day, but passed out three times because I couldn't breathe. Anyway, THAT happened. :)

So I am not sure what to write here, so I will try to share my story. I might have to be brief because I am having trouble typing right now. I started having PsA and Ankylosing Spondylitis symptoms when I was about 9 or 10 years old. My parents dragged me to so many doctors, I did acupuncture, acupressure, cranio-sacral therapy, massage, physical therapy, Feldenkreis, yoga, meditation, pilates, ultrasound therapy, chiropractic, Reiki, magic crystal healing (I am not even kidding), magic tuning fork therapy (I swear this is not a joke), and even had a doctor tell me the pain in my feet would go away if I imagined "the sun rising" under my arches for 15 minutes a day. So yeah.... Obviously none of that helped. When I was 22 I was told by an orthopedic surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic that I had psychological problems based on a 2 minute examination and no tests, and he wrote me a prescription for a Psychotherapist. I told him he was sexist and full of S***, and he literally kicked me out of the hospital.

So I completely avoided doctors for several years even though the pain was unbearable, until I was in a car accident. After the accident, I was prescribed pain medications, which was a huge relief. Unfortunately I lost three years of my life on Nucynta plus several other drugs, which let me tell you helped the pain, but I don't remember a thing, and was unemployed most of the time.

Then three years ago, my foot blew up so big it didn't actually look like a foot. I looked more like a tree stump. I wasn't able to walk at all, and couldn't fit into any shoes, and I was sure my foot was broken and infected. I ended up in the emergency room because a Radiologist thought it might be thrombosis, and they told me I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. And I was like "um.... I thought that is what elderly patients have" because I was completely ignorant, and they said go to a Rheumatologist, so I did. And he was awful, and even though I insisted I had Psoriasis, he insisted it didn't look like "normal" Psoriasis, so it couldn't be PsA. However, it turned out to be Pustular Psoriasis, which even though rare, is totally part of PsA, which he finally had to admit I had, plus Ankylosing Spondylitis. But seriously, even when my skin is cracked and bleeding, it is the absolute least of my problems. After over a year on MTX and him doing insanely expensive tests that I couldn't afford, I finally moved to another city and switched doctors.

So far I have tried or am currently on MTX, Leflunomide, Azithioprine, Prednisone, Tilidin (a painkiller with Naloxone so I have my brain back, yay!), Xarelto, Nexium, Folic Acid, lots of vitamins which probably don't work, Gelatin (working wondering on my horrible nails), Tramadol (which gave me grand mal seizures), Mirtazapine to sleep, Zolpidem also to sleep, Fentanyl, Nucynta, Oxycodone, Celecoxib, and steroid eye drops. I take between 17-25 pills a day. Not fun at all...

My symptoms are too many to list here, I have a list going of about 80 symptoms, some of which have been life threatening. So far, I have had no relief from the DMARDs. I am finally starting Biologics this month once my TB test clears, and I am hopeful, but honestly it seems like people respond so differently that there is no telling if this will work for me at all. It is easy- especially on days like today where every single inch of my body hurts, and my skin feels so painful even when someone lightly touches me that I cry, and all I can do is watch reality TV in a supine position and I just want to sleep but can't- to feel like my career will be over in a few years at most, and that I will be on disability. But hopefully I am wrong. It's so hard not to feel like a burden on my loved ones, and to worry about how I in my condition will take care of my parents who are working so hard and can't retire. I wonder if I am feeling like this at 33, what will I feel like at 70?

So anyway, that is my sob story, I hope it wasn't too whiny and long winded, and I look forward to getting to know people in this community, and helping to support each other. I am very interested in other people's symptoms and comparing notes.

Thanks for reading, if you made it all the way, haha!

Maeggyn

Maeggyn, it sounds like you've seen it all. I'm speechless, really, I don't know what to say, except that I'm so happy that you decided to speak up: sometimes just sharing what you're going through lightens the load a bit. I hope it has, anyway! It's great that you're finally heading towards a biologic. There's no predicting what the biologic is going to do for you, but many people get relief from the biologics when they thought that they were beyond help. So here is hoping!

We're glad that you found us, and we really hope we'll hear more from you. Many of us have found that by sharing our experiences, and by supporting others who are struggling, our disease burden is easier to bear.

And thank you for the suggestion of imagining the sun rising under my arches. I'll give that a try as soon as I stop laughing.

It's great hearing from you at long last!

Hi Maeggyn. I read your post a few times. And I tried to convince myself that you were exaggerating because I'd sleep easier thinking that people with PsA do not have such experiences. However it's all too believable.

Maybe I'm a raving optimist but I'm plucking two things out of your account: that you are only 33 years old and that you're finally starting biologics. The combination seems to me to give real grounds for hope. I know from personal experience that it is possible to go from supine misery to up and running when you find the right treatment, though of course it takes time.

Until relatively recently I seemed to encounter more than my fair share of whacko doctors. They can be an absolute menace. I am very sorry you've had such a rough ride so far and I really hope things do improve from here on.

Incidentally, I'm going to do the arches thing right now ..... I'm in the UK so I'm used to trying to imagine the sun rising.

Hi Maeggyn,

What a terrible journey you have had so far. Cheer up though as your journey will get better with the right meds. When I finally was approved for a biologic, I was literally dancing in the streets. Enbrel gave me my life back. And sometimes our immune system finds a way around a biologic, and then its time to try a different one. And there are new drugs being developed and tested, as well as some promising stem cell studies that could prove to wipe this disease out. It can be a long journey, but I hope that soon you will be dancing in the streets. And in your case maybe singing opera in the streets.

Alaska miner is SO right, Meggyn. At one of my many rheum appointments, I met an absolutely lovely, young, kind, sparkly woman who was finishing her residency in rheumatology. At the end, I said to her "Can I ask a personal question? What is a nice young doctor like you doing in a specialty where everybody is in pain and everyone is incurable?" Well that really got the conversation going: she said that it was basically because of the advent of biologics that she felt drawn to the specialty. And then I heard all about how the new treatments offered real hope for alleviating peoples' suffering and improving their quality of life. I left that appointment with such a feeling of optimism!

Yes, I hope that you are belting out Exultate Jubilate before long!

Thanks so much everyone for the upbeat comments and wisdom! It means so much to me to hear experiences of others' and I can only hope things get better from here on out. :)

PS- I lööve me some Mozart:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV0opTtWS6g

LOL, Maeggyn! When I wrote that comment, I suddenly wanted to hear it again. I googled, and went straight for that very same clip with Dame Kiri. She is so amazing, isn't she?

Thanks for posting. Reading how bad some people have it makes me feel grateful (and so much less sorry for myself). I think I have it pretty good. I love your sense of humour - you made me laugh - and in the midst of one of my worst flares - a good chuckle is like medicine. Thanks..

Hi maeggyn, and welcome! As others have said, a biologic can give you your life back. For me, Enbrel had "miraculous" results. I have about 80% improvement, and maybe the remaining 20% is a symptom of age (62). Lingering damage from PsA is also a downer, but so far the everyday aches and pains are nothing compared to my PsA symptoms before I started Enbrel. Yes, biologics can lose their effectiveness over time, but there are several of them and if Enbrel quits on me, something else could work. I had been afraid to start Enbrel for a number of reasons, one weird reason being worried it wouldn't work and that would be depressing. But now that it has worked its magic for 2 years, if it fizzled out I'd be very optimistic that another biologic would work. Enbrel saved my life!

I hope you have great results--and quickly--with the biologic.

Skin hurts? My skin would hurt, too. I always wondered if psoriasis could be under the surface! Haven't had that symptom since starting Enbrel! Also, speaking of 70, when you're 60, 70 doesn't seem that far away. Before Enbrel, I really didn't see how I would even make it to 70. Now I have hope that I'll live a lot longer! :-)

Good luck, and I'm glad you found this place!