In January of this year I moved 700 miles north of where I used to live because my husband couldn't find a job where we used to live and I had to quit my job because I could no longer effectively and reliably continue to work because of my PsA. I went back "home" to my Rheumy and GP once since then because I hadn't found a doctor "up North" and I needed to get a Remicaide infusion. At that last appointment my Rheumy switched me back to Enbrel because I couldn't afford to get the infusions anymore. He wrote me my lovely and usual compliment of scripts for Vicodin 7.5 (although they were becoming less and less effective and I probably should've gone up to the 10.0), MTX, Folic Acid, Diclofenac, etc. etc. He also, in a fit of horrified amazement at the state of the muscles in my back, wrote me a script for a muscle relaxer and a "tide-me-over" prescription for steroids since I was flaring rather out of control (and wrote me enough so that if I continued to flare or flared again in the interim of finding another doctor I was covered). My G.P wrote me a script for insomnia and an extra one (undated) for a broad spectrum antibiotic as a tide-me-over in case I got an infection while trying to find a new doc. In the meantime, my GP's office manager changed their "policy" so that I can no longer call in and talk to a doctor - or even a nurse. All patients must be seen in order to talk with a doctor. my GP used to be so awesome! I could call anytime day or night and get a hold of him. He would call me back between patients because he got that I only called if it was truly necessary because I respect him and his time. His wife has an autoimmune disorder. He understands. But now I can't talk to him. My (old) Rheumy was also awesome. A member of doctors without borders....he was really into the whole "I'm a doctor. It is my life's mission to heal people." But his office staff are morons. So I am cut off from medical advice. Grrrr.
Had a TERRIBLE time finding a doc in my new state that would even see me because 98% of docs here do not see uninsured patients. So I went doctorless until this month. January - October is a very long time to go without a doctor - especially for those of us with the dastardly PsA and who are on biologics!! But, I digress....
So I found this free clinic...and they were awesome. Their entire purpose is to help people with no insurance deal with chronic illnesses. They were kind. They were understanding. They took me seriously. All those things I worried about because my old docs KNEW me and KNEW I wasn't a whining layabout who only wanted drugs. Only drawback (and yes, I'm getting to the point of my rant now) the doc at the clinic refused to write a script for any pain medication or muscle relaxers. He said it was because pain meds and muscle relaxers only mask the symptoms and encourage people to harm themselves more (SNORT). Except I only take them at night, which gives me just enough of a breather from the pain and muscle spasms to let me actually get a few hours of sleep. Believe me, I get it. I'm sure he is inundated with "patients" who try to wriggle around the system and get a doc to write scripts for pain meds they don't actually need. I truly understand. Logically. Really, I do.
BUT I HURT! The muscles in my back are so spasmed I can barely sit in one position for more than a few seconds on some days. If I actually try to (god forbid!) stretch....it is BAD. The pain has gotten so bad I can barely move out of my recliner. My days revolve around whether or not I can actually bend over enough to plug in the heating pad. I really really really try to stay positive, and I succeed more days than not. But I don't know what to do. I can't call my old GP. The new GP won't write the scripts that I truly do need to treat the symptoms of my disease. And my old Rheumy....well....I'm a little unsure of my reception if I were to call them to beg for help. What to do.....what to do. I was so desperate for some relief that I went to the pharmacy at Walmart (the guy looked at me like I was nuts) to ask them if there was anything I could get over the counter that would help with the muscle spasms. I already knew the answer, but was praying that maybe somewhere someone had released something that might work. Nope.
So now I sit at home and try to do the normal "housewife" stuff. Most days...not so much. I try not to snap at my husband and my son. Most days....not so successful. I desperately try not to do anything that will make anything worse. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, sent the postcard. Not even a nice place to visit. I DO NOT want to end up back in the hospital for severe muscle spasms, but I am terrified that is the direction things are going. Anyway....enough with the whining. I just really needed to get this off my chest so I don't march into my son's bedroom and verbally flay him about avoiding doing the dishes tonight because...he just doesn't feel like it. And so I don't march into our bedroom and scream at my husband (who is laying down and reading because he has a headache) because he isn't making my son do the dishes. ARGH! When did I become this self-involved harridan?????
