Hey guys,
My name is CP and I was just diagnosed with PsA last year (exactly a year ago March). I’m twenty six, and though I’ve never been a super active person, I still loved to walk, and my mom could always count on me to be able to lift, open, push, pull, or untie things that she couldn’t (she has Fibromayalgia and Lupus and god knows what else).
She and I have spent the last year watching my range of motion and level of activity go steadily down: I used to be able to put a fifty-pound horse feed bag on each shoulder and carry them to the barn with her. December of last year I could just about lift one, and these days I can’t lift them at all and have to stand sheepishly to one side while one of the men carries it for me, which is just the worst.
I also can’t lift my arms over my head any more, and yesterday I walked a mile and a half with the horses and paid for it in full today by not being able to get out of bed all day (crawling to the bathroom is fun! not). I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s hard to get into an exercise routine when my body rewards me by locking and swelling up the next day.
Summer is coming up, and as usual I’ll be sweating in jeans and t-shirts because I have breakouts all down my legs and upper arms. I used to go to a gym pool for water aerobics, until an older woman pulled me aside and asked me tersely if my “rash” was contagious. Little kids stare. Adults try NOT to stare. My psoriasis doesn’t form in large plaques like it used to, but in little round silver and red spots, none bigger than a nickel, so a lot of people don’t recognize it, or think it’s scabies, ringworm, leprosy, or whatever. Even if I explain it to them and they say they understand, I still get the feeling that they think it’s gross. Honestly, I don’t want to be in the same water as me and my spots, but I don’t really have a choice.
Today I laid on the couch, and in bed, for most of the day, staring at the television even though I wanted to get up and do something, and thinking, “I’m not seventy years old. I’m in my mid twenties. This is not fair. Not fair, not fair, not fair!”
I’m trying to be positive, but the PsA and the spots and everything else is just building up and making me feel really sorry for myself. I’m currently only receiving insurance from the county, so it’s difficult for me to even get an appointment, let alone proper and regular treatment (I have some clobetasol left over from when I DID have good insurance, but since it’s so expensive out of pocket it’s only for emergencies). Does anyone have any advice to combat the blues that come with the rest of the symptoms?