sorry just need to have a bloody good moan and to be honest I don’t know who I can moan to without being judged. Most of my friends take no notice at all when I have a moan about the M.E. In fact I have lost the majority of real life friends that I had since being diagnosed with the ME twelve years ago. Most couldn’t be bothered with a friend that hardly left the house, a friend who pulled out of arrangements at the last minute, a friend who was miserable, in pain and moaning if you were lucky enough to see her. So yes most of them disappeared. And I really don’t think people want to read about me moaning and feeling sorry for myself on Facebook so I don’t speak to my online friends about how I am truly feeling. So I keep it all inside
I am feeling probably near enough at my lowest at the moment. I feel like taking my dogs and walking out the door away from my family and my current life. I am scared that the depression I once suffered is going to return. I am on antidepressants so hopefully that’ll stop that happening.
I am fed up with my family, my husbands moaning and being a grump, my son not keeping his job because of a silly fallout with his girlfriend, not being able to move coz my daughter wants to be with me 24/7 coz of her anxiety. So after thinking how much they’re all driving me mad I then feel like a right selfish horrible cow for being so mean.
I am in daily pain of some sort due to the constant ME flare ups, am menopausal and having hot flushes, have more psoriasis than I have ever had in thirty odd years, my head is covered in scabs and itches like mad, my psoriatic arthritis is flaring up most days and I just feel ugly, fat, worthless, bloody useless and drained. Completely and utterly drained.
I worry myself stupid over my husband and his transplant and have a terrible phobia regards anaesthetic. God knows when the transplant will be. Our life is on hold at the moment. I worry constantly about both my children as neither of them seem to be coping with normal day to day life. I do wonder what I could have done differently, loads probably and they’d both be coping better than they are now. I worry about my Mum who has polymyalga and arthritis. She’s in her 70’s and doing alright atm but what’ll happen when she needs help. I need to be there for her.
So that’s me in a nutshell, a far scabby nutter who just wants some peace. Just two bloody minutes without any worry is all I want. It’s not too much to ask for is it?
You’ve been dealt a bit of a bum hand at the moment, hey? Well we’re hear to listen, as well as trying to be helpful.
You said in another post you are headed to a GP to get a rheumatology referral soon which is great - you have so much to deal with - what about a referral to a psychologist as well? I realise it can take a long time, I often get referrals and make appointments when my health (physical or mental) is marginal or looking like heading downward - then I feel less overwhelmed because at least I’ve taken a step towards doing something, and if I genuinely feel better by the time the appointment comes around, I can always cancel with a weeks notice so they can use the appointment for someone else.
It is so much to handle, but you are taking some great steps, getting referrals, finding out about treatments before you go! You might not feel like it, but you really are making progress
I think that life can be a real sh!t show sometimes. Seems like you’re experiencing one right now. So sorry Madhouse.
Take good care of yourself (you know some of your friends can’t be counted on to offer that care).
If you’re in the mood for reading I strongly recommend “How To Be Sick” by Toni Bernhardt. It really helped me to understand how to talk to my friends and my partner about my illness and how to ask for what I needed from them. Sometimes friends pull away because they don’t know what to say, what to do, or even how to “be” around you. Taking the lead (I know, that’s just one more thing for us sickies to do…) in asking for their involvement–even if it is just taking you to Tesco–can be a real way to reconnect.
I’ve no idea what to say to you about all your anxieties. There are very real concerns in your family life. But attending to your own wellness is of the utmost importance. And stress, anxiety and worry can exacerbate our illness. I hope you can arrive at a balance that helps you and your family. Sending you my best wishes and lots of compassion.
I wonder if others here can relate, because I sure can!
Without going into detail, because I’ve a problem with getting too wordy, lately things haven’t been good around here and there’s no one to turn to…except this forum.
I’ve found it just doesn’t work to tell ANYBODY about the pain…I even feel uncomfortable telling my doctors! I’ve got the same problem with my husband–his moaning and groaning and not caring that I have pain of my own to deal with.
You definitely don’t need to be apologetic for “moaning” here! That’s one NICE thing about being in this boat–we are sinking together and we all want to save each other’s A** !! haha
A succinct summary or Ben’s Friends mission. Thank you Grandma! And look at this thread: a Brit, an American, a Canadian, an Australian and a Brit in America. And it’s bound to look more like the UN as time goes on. What’s not to love? This is a veritable think tank for international consensus!
Madhouse, sometimes it does help to unload. In fact, it almost always does. But you also need to unload to a professional who can actually DO something to help. You’re heading to your GP and rheumatologist? (I second Jen’s suggestion of psychologist as well, BTW) When is that going to happen, and can you push for an appointment sooner? How long has it been since you saw the rheumatologist?
Sounds like your body is changing (understatement!) and maybe your treatment needs to change as well.
Pick up the phone (or email, if that’s a possibility) and try to get a consult with someone sooner than later. Do it now. Sometimes just taking action to kick a ball into play can make you feel better. It does me.
Thank you Grandma! And look at this thread: a Brit, an American, a Canadian, an Australian and a Brit in America. And it’s bound to look more like the UN as time goes on. What’s not to love? This is a veritable think tank for international consensus!