Doctors office visit. :(

General Blog
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I’ve had a awful cold, that plus the PsA has had me in a fog all week.

I went to the doctor because I was having sinus pain and found out I have a sinus infection.

While I was there my Primary Care Doctor looked at my hands and made the comment “you poor thing, when is the rhumytologist appointment?”.

Some how this statement just gutted me, I somehow felt all my strength that I depend on day in and day out drain from me and all I could feel was this helpless hollowness.

I didn’t cry, I just felt like I wasn’t there anymore, like a shell.

She was really kind. I’m not sure why I felt that way.

I don’t think she picked up on the effect it had on me, I was able to pop on my all is good smile and finish my appointment.

My rhumytologist appointment is not until July so she decided to try me on another NSAID (because celabrex has done nothing). She gave me some samples of vimeo to see if it helps any before I pay
For a prescription.

This disease doesn’t give you a break, it’s never not reminding you it’s holding you hostage. I’m really tired and feeling pretty sad. I don’t feel like people really know how hard PsA is, day in and day out. I also feel social pressure to be silent about it. It’s confusing. Sometimes I wonder who I would have been without this, what goals would I have reached and what sort of life I would have lived.

Why us?

:confused:

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Lena, I know exactly what you mean when you say “I didn’t cry, I just felt like I wasn’t there anymore, like a shell.”. That’s exactly the way I feel when my depression gets really bad.
Don’t underestimate the toll this disease takes on your brain. Your sleep is disturbed by pain, your days pockmarked by fatigue and sadness and social pressures and family commitments that are hard to fulfill. All of that is bad enough, and then you have to know that for some of us (though not all), depression is a symptom of the disease. It simply messes with our brains.
Lena, what treatment are you on these days? It sounds to me like you might need to consider something different and more aggressive than what you are on.