A Different Way of Life

From my blog, rannygahoots: http://rannygahoots.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-different-way-of-life.html

I don't want to get my hopes up. It's still too early to tell. I mean, maybe it's just the amou

nt of rest I've been getting lately that I usually don't get.

But I think I may just be feeling better.

Why is this such a difficult thing to admit, especially to myself? Why is there a tightness in my chest when I consider the possibility of my health improving? Why is it so scary to feel better? Perhaps it's the possible disappointment, or even devastation that awaits should things prove not to be improving as I think they are. Perhaps it's because whenever this roller-coaster ride we call life starts going up, I can be assured that at some point ahead it will go down again. Maybe it will be just a small dip, nothing too concerning. But the chance that not only will the downward spiral arrive, but that it will take me to depths of physical pain and swelling more akin to a house of horrors than an amusement park ride still scares me.

It's not that I think I can't handle it or that life will be suddenly horrible if it happens. The idea that I'll once again be able to trust my body instead of trusting that my body will fail is incredibly appealing. But... but...

(Continued here: http://rannygahoots.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-different-way-of-life.html)