Hi Greenlydia!
You've been at this longer than me (I've been at is only 31 years, dx age 10). The first time I took a pain med for PsA 14 years ago it was because I had bottles of Vicodin handed out like candy from my dentist. One day the pain was overwhelming (a post-partum flare), and I took 1/2 a pill. I couldn't believe how much better I felt even days later, just from having that short relief from the pain.
I talked to my rheumatologist about it and we decided I should have some meds for as-needed. He is trained in pain (medication as well as theory), and discussed how eventually like wearing grooves in a record, the pain will wear a groove in your brain making the pain path much easier to trigger. Taking the pain medication can short-circuit the pain response, which explains why I had less pain even days later. The studies on this are quite fascinating.
At any rate, fast forward a few years, when I had a very serious internal bleed (surgery, blood transfusions, the works). At the time, I was on my 16th year of high dose NSAID's (standard treatment at the time). That, combined with Zoloft (studies have since shown the combo can cause internal bleeding). Since then, I can only very rarely take an NSAID. By then I had had my 2nd child, and as many of you have experienced, a horrific postpartum flare. At that point, my rheumy. prescribed pain meds so I could, somewhat, care for my new baby and my toddler, since NSAID's were out of the question.
Then biologics came on the market. For the past 11 years I've had varied success with them. When my disease is more active, I take more powerful pain medication so I can do the bare necessity for my family. When my disease is more under control, my pain is significantly less and sometimes Tylenol is all I need.
Different states (and different dr's) vary dramatically in how they deal with pain medication. I'm not sure why your dr, if not willing to prescribe for you, has not referred you to a pain clinic.
I live in the Seattle area, and most of the people in my autoimmune disease support group get pain medication from their rheumatologists. There are a few dr's here and there who won't touch it though. The people in my group who do use pain medication, including myself, are able to get month long supplies with 3-4 refills without going in for a new appointment. I will be clear, it is never offered, patients have to ask for it, just like a disabled parking pass. When I lived in AZ, pain medications were much for tightly regulated (each month's prescription hand-picked up and delivered to the pharmacy).
Greenlydia, I wish you well in your journey.