It’s hard to face my limitations. I watch other people my age doing things I can’t anymore and it just breaks my heart.
I feel really alone because of this. I’m feeling better physically. Just fighting being depressed about having this.
I’m dotting all my i’s and crossing all my t’s and no matter how much effort I put forth I feel like I’ll always be less than.
I feel like I don’t have much worth sometimes.
Lena, I will just say that what you describe is so familiar to me and many others here. Take good care.
Thanks guys. When I wrote this I had just taken my little one to the pool and could not get in with because I’m having issues with my shoulder, something about how the water floats my arm is causing a lot of pain.
It was a lovely day and we had a good time. I love seeing the kids splashing and playing.
It was hard watching my baby play with a friend and not me. I felt so defeated and that reaction took me by surprise. I’m so greatful that I had someone there to stand in, but it was bitter sweet.
I thought about all the stangers kids I taught to swim, and here and now with my own child I couldn’t.
I wish I was coping better everyday but it’s definitely a mixed bag.
I’m feeling better. I just get so annoyed with this.
I find it comes and goes. I go through periods when I feel really down, and I don’t seem to be as resilient as I used to be. It’s kind of like I don’t have an emotional reserve. Something happens in my life, and I’m affected by it more than I used to be. Or is it just getting older? (Or should I just say “old”?)
Lean on us. That’s what we are here for.
Aw Lena! :-( I think it is the disease that messes with our heads, because I was the most happy, upbeat person before the diagnosis of PsA. The constant feeling sick and pain of varying levels all over is depressing and causes so much reason for worry. It must be very hard when your kids are little--I'm lucky my PsA wasn't diagnosed until my 50's.
I hope you get meds that will help you feel better so you can enjoy life and not be overwhelmed by pain, whether physical or mental!
Lena- I was diagnosed when my son was not quite a year old, so I really know what you're talking about. It's gotten a lot easier. When he was little, I would just about cry when my kids would hold my hands, and a lot of care was really challenging. I also had to rest frequently during the day.
Not that everything is perfect now, but my disease is under much better control. I work a few different jobs, volunteer in my community, and even have been fostering kittens, all while being active with my kids (now 7 and 12). I was very depressed in the first year or two, as I didn't know just how bad things would get. The answer is that that was the roughest period, both physically and emotionally.
There are definitely things I can't do anymore. Some of them I miss dearly, but I have grown to accept it overall.
I just looked at your last sentence and had to comment again. You are very valuable-you are a mom, which is a great "occupation". Even if you feel worthless cuz your disease is limiting what you can do with/for your kids, they don't see it that way and to them, you're the most important person in the world!
I hope you get some relief from the pain soon, because with pain relief the sad thoughts will go away!!
Thank you all for your comments. 
I hope you are all having more good days than bad. Thank you Stony, I’m glad to hear your experience. It’s been a rough couple of years and I look forward to getting to a better place.