I was diagnosed with PsA last year but started having trouble about 5 yrs ago. Originally I believe my doctor took way too long to refer me to someone else which makes me mad. I had thought that the inflammation in my knuckle was an injury and would just take time. It never went away but got worse.
I then saw a Rhumy that never diagnosed me but put me on meds and tried a cortizone shot to help the inflammation. I stopped going to him because I felt he didn't know what he was doing. I felt like an experiment subject. He made me mad. No one was helping me.
Finally last year I saw a new Rhumy who is great so far and he actually gave a name to what I have. Now I live in fear of my life never being the same. I'm afraid I will have to find a new job because I feel my hand is getting worse. I have an appointment next week and will have to update him.
Now I'm mad because another finger on my hand recently swelled up despite the meds. I can only presume it's the PsA and I'm really getting pissed off at it. I'm having trouble typing this now. I already have a deformed finger that I tend to hide. I don't tell many people about the PsA. I really don't think most would understand.
I raised my son as a single mother for many years and was looking forward to these years being my time to live how I want. Now it looks like this won't be possible. That makes me really mad.
I also feel like if I had known that Psoriasis or PsA was even a possibility because of family history...then I could have caught this sooner. Not having this knowledge makes me mad too. I'm mad at everything now but don't really express it to anyone.
Now I also feel guilt that I will have passed this along to my son or even grand children one day. I'm only 43 yrs old. I feel like I'll never meet anyone now because I'm defective. Before another finger swelled up recently I thought I'd be able to deal with this but now I'm not so sure.
I don't know how to deal anymore. None of my friends understand and I can't talk about it because I don't want to feel like an old diseased woman.