Dealing with loss

General
21

Hi Grumpy,

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm lucky to still have my parents, but my partner lost her father to a rapid and brutal cancer seven years ago. There is not a week goes by when she doesn't mention him. Occasionally it's with sadness and a tear in her eye, but most often these days it's with great fondness and a smile on her face. Just this last weekend their beloved football team had a stunning victory and my partner talked with great joy about how her dad would have loved it. I never really got to know my partner's dad myself, but I do know him through his daughter's loving stories and like Lamb said I know he is reflected in my partner's honesty, decency and joie de vivre. So I guess what I'm saying is keep talking about your dad to your friends and family. In time the raw pain will be replaced by a gentle sense of sadness but also happy memories will surface that will make you smile.

22

Grumpy, so sorry to hear of your loss. The grieving process is different for everyone. I can say that during our most recent losses I was so busy dealing with family that the first while was a blur. I guess personally I grieved in bursts and still morn the loss of our loved ones. I'm not sure I will ever feel like I did but I certainly can say it has been an eye opener. The losses have allowed me to focus more on living in the moment and the memories we create with our loved ones are really what we hang on to and will be forever in our hearts. Thinking of you <3

23

I want to thank each person who replied. You all had such kind things to say, and each was helpful in some way. Just knowing that you took the time to write something was soothing.
I have read and re-read this thread and had a good cry today. Thank you guys for helping me.

24

Big Hugs to you Grumpy <3

GrumpyCat said:

I want to thank each person who replied. You all had such kind things to say, and each was helpful in some way. Just knowing that you took the time to write something was soothing.
I have read and re-read this thread and had a good cry today. Thank you guys for helping me.
25

I'm so sorry for your loss.

26

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dad Grumpy. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel in any given moment. In time the grief will become less raw and you'll remember the good times without all the sad emotions attached. And as others have said he lives on in you and your children as well as in your memories.

I lost both my parents 30 odd years ago, my mum when I was 18 and my dad three years later ..... they were both young only 44 and 58 respectively ....... the only way I could deal with it was a day at a time until that time healed my pain. Thinking of you.

27

Grumpy, I lost my Dad suddenly, too. New Year's Eve, 2011. He and my Mom had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary just the week before, so my last day, their anniversary, with him was one that I will always cherish. We had a good time that day. That is how I got through the worst of it, remembering that last day. He loved trains, tractors, and airplanes. He was in the process of restoring his Allis Chalmers G. Mom gave it to me and even though my husband and I have to figure out how to put it back together, it is one of my most prized possessions. I still miss him and and always will.

28

Sorry to hear about your Dad, I am glad you were able to be with him in the hospital. Thank you for sharing give yourself time and be kind to yourself during this time of processing your dads passing. ((Hugs))

29

I am so sorry for your loss. May your memories bring some peace.

30

Dear Grumpy,

This is sad news, I am so sorry to know of the loss of your dear Dad. I have read and reread all of these responses and they are all just beautiful. The thoughts of lamb and dancermom strike a cord in me about my own dear Dad that left this world decades ago, and as I share life with my son, my grand kids, and great grand kids, out of the clear blue, I'll see something about them so much like him and I'll think 'Father lives!'

I just ran across a photo of him in his sailor suit as a handsome young man in the Sea Bees in the South Pacific, and need to frame it and include it on my book cases along with all of the other pics of him, the family, especially the kids! Oh he would just 'eat 'em up'!

Besides my Dad, my grandparents are all gone, lost my baby brother years ago from Cardio Myopathy induced by AIDS, the decline and loss of that beautiful, vibrant life is still VERY difficult. Last Oct, my mom fell down the stairs and broke her hip at 81, she's gone through the entire rehabilitation, and doing well. I know my days with her are coming to a close and I embrace her in every possible way! It's been a rough road to get her where she is, but we made it happen! Next thing that needs to be addressed is the cabin fever, so hopefully the weather will clear and we'll pack up the walker with the seat, the cane and any other gear, and get her out for lunch and shopping with the granddaughters, that will be great! Of course Pap will have the little ones! ha!

I'm not a real 'preachy' type of gal either Grump, but my Grandmother had a minister that I adore, and when he delivered his thoughts to the family it was to tell us that our loved ones were part of us, part of each day, each flower, leaf, and blade of grass, and I found that very soothing. It was a 'collective soul' type of idea, I guess.

I haven't had the chance to know you well, but I know you well enough to know that you are a very special lady, and those that you love and care for are very fortunate to have you, I'm sure your Dad was immensely proud of you.

Sending some love your way,

SK

31

Grumpy:

I am so sorry for your loss. I've lost both of my parents; my mother quite suddenly; my dad lingered. My dad--the parent I had the better relationship with, the one I was most alike, went first, on February 4, 2000. My mother died that day, too; it just took her body 3.5 years to realize it. My brother found her dead on October 2, 2003. I delivered both of their eulogies.

I am a person of faith, but I have no platitudes. I have, however, felt both my parents with me on many occasions. Sometimes, it's as simple as hearing a song--usually the Eagles for my dad; For the Good Times for my mother--and knowing she/he or they are riding on my shoulder for a while. Sometimes, it's hearing my dad's words come out of my (or my brother's) mouths. I usually hear my mother laughing when my brother talks about how his daughter is so hard-headed. For that matter, all I have to do is look in the mirror and see my father. Some folks tell me they see my mother in the shape of my mouth and my eyes. All of that makes me smile and realize that as long as one person who knew them is still alive, they live on.

Getting through is harder than hell. My dad died in February; that summer, I was so angry he wasn't around that it was hard for me to walk in my parents' house. I finally broke down and admitted I was angry and slooowly....began to get better. My mother and I made peace the summer before she died. I held onto that and sloowly.....began to realize who the new, orphaned me was.

Frankly, 14 and 10 years in, there are times when the grief is as fresh as if one or the other or both had just died. The immense hole is still there--I've just grown accustomed to missing....something.

I had just started on the road to psoriatic arthritis when my mother died. I don't remember being physically ill--I had too much going on in my head.

You're in my thoughts.

32

My mom passed away on April 10, 2013, also from acute myeloid leukemia. It was 12 days from diagnosis to death, and even though our family had those 12 days, I'm not sure we processed it until much later. My father and I will go to the grave site and grieve on April 10th -- but without the same searing pain and agony that we felt one year ago. Time really does begin the healing process. We can now talk about her and laugh at some of the funny times we remember without having complete breakdowns. Unlike you, I do believe that my mom is with her Heavenly Father, and that gives me great comfort. And like michael in vermont says about her son, we can see my mom as a child in the face of my niece, her granddaughter. Give yourself permission to grieve when you need to, which helps keep flares at bay as you release stress hormones. And accept those hugs from anyone who wants to give you one!