On a daily basis, I regret not following my own advice. If I wake feeling well, look out world, here I come. I am always trying to make hay while the sun still shines. It seems that I can’t stop myself. I will go and go until I crash, and worse, I don’t even take care of myself. I forget my pills and I won’t eat. With my diet I really can’t afford to do that, yet I do it all the time. I need more discipline; I’m a big girl, and should be able to stop myself from killing myself. What old I tell a patient who I caught treating himself like this? You have to stop! You need to slow down and be kinder to your body! That is what I would say. Why is it that I am unable to do this for ME?
As I write, I realize this behavior is probably part of my denial. At this point it is nice to think that I’m over it, but my actions say otherwise. “Slow down, girl!”; “You are going way too fast!”, my own words echo. One of these days they will do more than that and actually register! Until then, I am still making hay while the sun shines.