Devastating news regarding fertility

So… i’ve sahred a lot here about our recentbpregnacy. That was our 3rd miscarriage. We are exhausted and going through fertility treatments. I’m 43 years old and it seems like having a baby is a race against time. I love children and maybe ad9ption is our only choice… but I feel like my disease has robbed us of the natural course of being parents.
I’m sad and my ShyPartner has been through so much loss, plus my diagnosis and the meds… hpw much can you ask from someone??

Is 43 too old to hope for a child? Am I being delusional?

Possibly not but. The biggest of hugs though @ShyWarrior.

I wish you and your partner all the luck in the world in your quest to be parents.

Is 43 too old … I do not know but I wouldn’t have thought so. Are you also investigating adoption? Perhaps doing so would take some of the pressure off, if you can see yourselves loving an adopted child just as much.

I have adult children. Memories of pregnancy & birth are distant but it’s the long familiarity with them that makes them so important to me, I think. Therefore I can see how adoption is potentially a wonderful option. But you know all this, others will have said the same, you’ll have heard it all by now. I just wish you all the very best, I really do.

No 43 is not too old. My mom was 42. Interestingly enough my grandparents on both sides were in their 40s. Fascinating history. Covered wagons, slavery, homesteading, emmigration from the old country all first person account. That being said, you will be in your 70s when those children are finally out and on their own.

BTW neither my wife or I were able to produce children “naturally” not sure how much different it would have been. She brought the first kiddo home while she was in grad school before we were married (brought him with her while she came over to visit me for the weekend I was sure it was a plot as I had very different ideas what we were going to do for the weekend.)

It was the start of something. 40 some kids call us mom and dad. 10 were adopted and permanent residents. In that group we have everything from special needs ( mostly) to pro atheletes. Only one is in prison and one on welfare (temporary)

The only thing we missed was pregnancy (a happy miss) and dirty diapers. (Ours were 6-9 and one three year old.) Tenia has potty trained about 7 of the grandkids. They bring them to her.

Get on the adoption lists today. While you may well still have children by birth, thereis a time constraint. If you were preggers today you would be 46 when number two came along, that’s pushing it, IMO only. Also IMO only more kids are easier than one. All the best. Nothing wrong with a blended family (mix of birth and adopted kiddos)


Based on recent studies I would say, unfortunately enough, delusion is entering into it at this point. According to the CDC, 30 percent of woman ages 40 to 44 will experience infertility. Your chances of conceiving in any given month are also lower once you pass 40. A 40 -year-old only has a 5 percent chance of getting pregnant per month.

A study in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility confirms Johnson’s point. Researchers found that 40-year-old women treated for infertility had a 25 percent chance of getting pregnant using their own eggs. But by age 43 that number dropped to 10 percent, and by 44 it had plummeted to 1.6 percent. Among women who did get pregnant, the miscarriage rate was 24 percent for 40-year-olds, 38 percent for 43-year-olds, and 54 percent for 44-year-olds.

Fertility expert James Goldfarb says that during his 30 years in the field, he has never seen a woman get pregnant with her own eggs after age 46. “It’s like buying a lottery ticket,” he says. “Yes, someone wins every once in a while, but you shouldn’t bank on it.”

There’s also the issue that PsA is shown to spike much worse after preganancy. “In this large prospective study on disease activity of PsA in pregnancy, we found that the majority of women experienced stable, low disease activity,” Ursin and colleagues wrote. “However, disease activity tended to decrease in pregnancy, increased significantly by 6 months postpartum, before returning to baseline by one year postpartum. Women using TNF [inhibitor] in pregnancy had significantly lower disease activity throughout the study period.”

I would say get moving on adoption because you’re starting to age-out of that as well.


Thank you so much for your persoective in this! I needed that. For some reason, since i’m not a parent, people think I don’t like kids but I love them! I could love any adopted kids and would love to see them blossom into succesful adults. Adoption is definetely an option.


Well… thanks for your very scientific and less than hopefull perspective. There is also a shit ton of documented cases of women succesfully having kids in their 40s and even 50s but keep bringing people down! It helps people already down when you kick them in the guts -_-

It’s interesting. While the chances of pregnancy obviously do decrease significantly with age, there are women who do get pregnant at your age. There are women my age (47) who have change of life babies too. You can work with a fertility specialist, and probably should be at this point with your history of miscarriage combined with your age. That said, looking into adoption is also a legitimate option.

Whatever you decide to do, it’s a personal choice.


We are seeiing a fertility specialist and hope for the best. We are not stupid or delusional. We are aware of the risk and chances but the last doctor we saw was such a downer and the copy/paste from a Google search answer of ModSupport was kind of a slap in the face.
Did you think that we haven’t already research many options? That we aren’taware of the risks?
We have been trying for 10+ years when my medication allowed it. Getting pregnant on methotrexate is not an option, nor is it when you are bed bound by pain. I got pregnant on Cimzia because I could… and miscarried. Cimzia stopped working so it was back to square one. Unfortunately… square one was at age 43. I’m in remission NOW! Have not been in more than 6 years and suffered 2 (probably 3) miscarriages in the past years.
All i’m trying to say is that most of the people here have doctors and specialists… what we need is a little hope and support.

Hello Shy.

I tell you, when you get your family started, however that may be, we will all be joining in the celebrations on here! All of us I’m sure, regardless of whether we got the tone right on this occasion.

Don’t lose hope. There are so many reasons for hope.

Sybil x


I am so sorry that you are facing infertility. We also did. We eventually chose to adopt rather than going through in-vitro fertilization.

You’ve faced so many losses already with the three miscarriages. This alone—without the complications of PsA—is a lot.

Even without miscarriages there are so many losses with infertility: the loss of the experience of pregnancy, the loss of the experience of childbirth, and, of course, the absence of a child who shares both your good and bad genes.

It is a highly personal decision to know when to opt out of medical intervention in the effort to have a biological child. I hope that you have supportive friends and family and a loving partner during this time. It is truly very difficult.

Our children are now both in their 30s and doing well. They are quite different from us. But, both are self-supporting; one is a parent with 3 children, 8, 10, and 12; and one completed a B.A.


I have 3adopted children and can’t imagine my life without them. I went through infertility treatments and once I adopted my first child I wondered why I had waited so long and put myself through so much.

@Ellie1 I couldn’t agree more.

When I was actively researching infertility, I learned that infertility patients are second only to cancer patients in how much they put themselves through.

I’m so sorry. :heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse:

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wanted nothing more in life than to be a mom so I know that ached/pain when it doesn’t happen when you want it to. We adopted our two daughters and they’re now 20 and 22. I always joke that those of us who adopt love our kids more because you have to REALLY want to be a parent to go through all that you need to go through to adopt. But it’s worth it. So many children in this world need homes. And so many of us have homes to offer. It’s great when it’s a match.

1 Like

Hey hunny. I’m so sorry and my heart hurts for you. I’ve got 2 angel grandbabies. The lose was so hard for us but I know it was nothing like my son and daughter in law felt. I know it may sound crazy but when they stopped trying and decided that they were going to wait or adopt later on, that’s when she got pregnant and was able to carry to term.
I’ve got a friend that has had health problems all her life. She had a son when she was a teen and gave him up for adoption. She felt that God was punishing her for doing that with health problems and infertility. She got remarried a few years ago. That changed her life in so many ways. Three years ago when she was 48 years old, she got pregnant!!! Her son was born early and she was high risk but that proves doctors do not know the future!!

My sister was told she’d never be able to conceive because she had so much scared tissue. It took her 10 years but she had a daughter. Then about 10 more years she had a son.

All I’m saying is there’s always hope! Always! If you believe in God, let it go and let God do His work hunny. Go ahead and start adoption processes. God may have a different path for you than biologic children. There may be that one or three children that need you so much more than you can imagine! and only God knows but like my son and daughter in law, when you’re not trying is when you’re more likely to get that blessing of a child.
I’ll keep you in my prayers. God bless! Always hope!

1 Like