Oh Amilynn, that hit home with me too! I think we are both just months apart in our diagnosis and maybe in the same stage of processing and medicating. I had a good cry last week and a different version of the same thoughts emulated from me. I still require norco more often than I would like and my doctors are unconcerned about it as well. I finally talked myself into a predisone taper after my crying bout only because I didn’t want to disappoint my family for Christmas and had so much to do but could barely walk plus 2 more days of work. Sometimes it feels like everyday is a vicious cycle of pain and meds I hate taking. I was happy to take shots once a week at least that doesn’t require a daily reminder that that this uninvited guest resides in me. I hope once you acknowledge those frustions and actually get them out here you feel a little better! I just wanted you to know you are not alone and we will get to a better place eventually, we have so many great examples here and good people! Take care and Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Rachael! Yes, I had a good cry last week. It did feel good to get some of the anger out. My hubs was there to help and did an amazing job. Yes, I like the term"uninvited guest"! That's great.
I understand not wants to disappoint family at holiday times. My son wants to go out and do all the holiday kids things... I hate seeing his face when I say I can't go. I just try and make the big things. I still want to take him ice skating... but I might sit on the sidelines. I've never skated and don't want to risk falling... that would damage me. :)
I don't mean this to be flip at all, but is there something in the air?
I'm three years out from diagnosis--doing well (mostly) on Humira, got good news from the rheumy on Thursday--and Friday morning, I woke up as if I had never been medicated, pain down my arms to the point where I couldn't raise them to get dressed, right hip in serious pain down my leg, any sort of movement or readjusting (which I had to do a lot) HURT, fatigue from hell.
I.fell.apart.--tired of pain, couldn't take pain any more, stuck--fell.apart to the point where my husband came home from work because he was so concerned.
I have no idea how long I cried; I know he had to change his shirt. He held me until he finally got me into the recliner curled up in a flannel sheet, blanket, electric blanket, another one and three cats on top of me, drifting off to sleep (thanks to half a Tramadol) when he left 45 minutes later.
I had a nap Friday morning, another, longer one Friday afternoon, a 30 minute-r Friday evening and fell asleep when he started massaging my feet around 10:45 Friday evening. I know part of it was the Percocet I took at 10:15 (Tramadol helped but not enough so out came the big gun).
I HATE having to "give in" (in my opinion) and take pain meds. Three years after diagnosis and I'm beginning to realize I haven't totally accepted where I am. I have all of you fellow travelers--thank God--to help me continue on this journey of living, frustration and acceptance.
I wish we could have met under better circumstances than PsA, but I'm thankful for all of you keeping me sane, even on days like this past Friday.
Amielynn, I hope today finds you a bit better. Blessings of the season to all of you.
Sixcat. I hear you. That was my day a week ago. Just pain pill after pill and crying my eyes out. Maybe it's because the weather as changed? Who knows? I would wonder and what if to death with this disease! I hoe you are doing better sixcat. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone......
I also HATE giving in. Hate feeling weak and dependent. I am also stubborn as hell. It's not a good combination.
Count me in this time. Just this last week I've been swearing even more than usual. And me with my 'high pain threshold' haha. Lack of vitamin D? Wonder how those in sunnier climes are doing these days.