So sorry you are having yucky reactions to the MTX. I had similar experiences to yours on the pills and injections :(
Like others said, injections into a pinched section of stomach fat doesn't hurt much. Before I got on this board, I was always doing my injections in the fat on the side of my thighs... I was terrified to do my stomach. Then I read on here how everyone was doing the stomach area and I got brave and did it. It's amazing! I now do all my injections into my stomach area. Almost painless.
Hope, this info is from the desktop page of livingwithpsoriaticarthritis. I don’t mean to intrude, but perhaps some temporary help would make a difference.
Are you in crisis? Please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Hope, I’m so sorry that you are having such a difficult time, and I can understand why, just now, you feel the way you do. At this point, it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever get better, but you will enjoy life again. Many of us have felt that way in the period between diagnosis and finding treatment that works. It gets better.
Please, will you promise us that you will do these things –
Tell your partner or someone in your immediate family that you feel like ending it.
Tell your doctor when you see him/her tomorrow.
You owe it to those who care about you, and that includes those of us here.
If you click on the “Discussion” link above, you will see a number for a crisis line where you can talk to someone who will listen sympathetically to you. Please consider calling it. The number is
1-800-273-TALK.
Hope, will you promise me and everyone here that you will reach out and ask for help? Please post back saying that you will, and let us know how it goes at the doctor’s tomorrow.
Hope, I felt as you do about a year ago after being diagnosed and before I got my meds all sorted out. I was so sick, was concerned about not being able to work and having to retire on disability. I had no social life etc. It was horrible.
I'm so much better now, physically and emotionally. I'm working full time and teleworking when needed. I have a full social life again and I'm even beginning an exercise plan this month ! That's a big deal for me.
I'm not saying don't be upset - damn it we all deserve to be upset ! I just hope you feel that it will get better. And always remember all of us here are just a click away - anytime. We all care very much and we've all gone through the same or similar situation.
You can also get a PsA mentor through the Psoriasis Foundation online at http://www.psoriasis.org/newly-diagnosed/one-to-one. I signed up for a mentor and they matched me within 48 hours. I still chat with my mentor from time-to-time.
(The methotrexate tablets made me so sick and exhausted I had to stop taking them. I was in bed for 2 days. I never tried the injection and I'm going to ask my rheumy about it this month).
Hope, there have been many times when I've felt like ending it. Knowing that this disease goes in cycles can be very helpful. At this point you have no place to go but UP. With the right meds you can have a much better life. Pain and major life changes are SO HARD to deal with. You MUST communicate with your dr. how bad things are. Your doc. just doesn't know unless you express it.
I don't want to sound trite, or give you one more thing to do, but consider and anti-depressant medication. I could not keep going as well as I do without one.
Hang in there Hope. Keep talking to us, and if you feel like you can't, PLEASE call one of the hotlines others have mentioned. The world needs you, even if you can't see that right now.
Good point Marietta. I take an anti-depressant and it helps a lot. There was a discussion awhile ago here and I read an article that said studies show that inflammatory diseases can actually cause depression. So, struggling with the disease itself is depressing and the disease can cause depression - a double whammy.
I had another thought this morning. When I was feeling so horrible over a year ago after being diagnosed, I decided to give myself a break and said to myself, I'll give myself a year to improve, to get the right meds and doses etc. And decided not to worry about it for a year ( I know easier said than done). It relieved a lot of stress and pressure for me. I'm not saying this will work for you, it helped me a lot.
You are so miserable now, but it DOES get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise that it’s not a train. Am I where I want to be yet? Nope, but I am miles away from where I was two years ago. Even still there are days that I don’t think I can hack it anymore, but I always make it to the next day somehow.
Please check in and let us know how you are doing.
We're all here for you. I know it doesn't help to hear that it will get better, because where you are now, it doesn't seem like it at all - but it can and will get better. Please check in when you can. Many of us have been in that same place you are.
I went from being in extreme pain and having extreme swelling to using canes, to a wheelchair in three months. Once my meds were figured out and started working (which was a journey in itself, but well worth it), I was out of the wheelchair, then off crutches, then off canes. I sometimes use a cane these days, but not often. This past Summer I went hiking and kayaking and did all sorts of things I'd given up hope of doing long ago. Once you find the treatment that works for you, it can be life changing in a good way. Until then, we're here to cry, laugh, rant, and be really silly with you - whatever the situation calls for!
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I have been there as well. Counselling has helped immensely. I am also on antidepressants. And I agree with Frances about giving yourself permission to allow time for things to turn around. I know it is tough when you are sleep deprived. It does get better. I hope you find relief soon.
Hi Hope, everyone has offered such good advice. The thing that I have learnt on this difficult journey is that if the side effects of a medication are too much for you to take YOU have the choice to say 'no, no more' to your doc. There are other options out there and I found that it took making this decision to get moved on to the next drug. As many have found before, it sometimes takes awhile to get the right combination, I've had two and a half years of treatment that has done absolutely diddly squat (sorry, British expression for 'nothing') for me ......... but I've just taken the first dose of a new treatment (Simponi) and something seems to be happening, small almost imperceptible daily changes ....... so hang in there, it will happen for you too, but don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and ditch the mtx. We're all here for you so lean on us.
Hey honey ... They don't call me crazy lady for nothing sweetpea. you can do this and you will make it. I have been in your shoes and if I let myself I can easily go there every Saturday when I feel just like you do today. Call some one, anyone and talk,scream, cry whatever, but get out of that mindset now.
It's just a stupid mind set brought on by lack of sleep,vomiting and feeling like total garbage. You will feel like you again soon. I know it hurts in your heart as well as your body.... but this too shall pass. You have to change how you look at it if you can. Think of all the hair you are holding out of the toilet... now think of all the patients on the cancer ward that don't have it. See..... there is always someone worse off than you feel right now. Go to them if it helps( and you can) and spend a little time with them. It might be a matter of perspective and they would love a little company and they are some of the most sympathetic persons in the world.:) It's hard to here sometimes- but if we can take our minds off of ourselves for just a little while- it really helps. I have a phone... call me. IM me for the number
ps( I was in your shoes for three years before I got my health care and diagnosis/ medication I nearly didn't make it and it's my obligation now to make sure other people do! I'm serious when I say call if you need to)
Thanks everyone, I’ve been on anti-depressants since 1991 and see a therapist, it just hasn’t helped. I’m feeling better today because it has warmed up a bit and the sun is out. I’m on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection which is helping and eating plenty of yogurt.
The Sun always makes me feel better and I can't wait for this weekend when we turn the clocks ahead! Yay more sun light! Thanks for keeping us updated Hope - Happy Friday !!!
Hope said:
Thanks everyone, I've been on anti-depressants since 1991 and see a therapist, it just hasn't helped. I'm feeling better today because it has warmed up a bit and the sun is out. I'm on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection which is helping and eating plenty of yogurt.
I've had to change my dose and type of anti-depressant - don't know if it's worth discussing with your doc.
Frances said:
The Sun always makes me feel better and I can't wait for this weekend when we turn the clocks ahead! Yay more sun light! Thanks for keeping us updated Hope - Happy Friday !!!
Hope said:
Thanks everyone, I've been on anti-depressants since 1991 and see a therapist, it just hasn't helped. I'm feeling better today because it has warmed up a bit and the sun is out. I'm on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection which is helping and eating plenty of yogurt.
Thank you Francis, I’m going to sign up for a mentor. I’ll let everyone know how the injections go Sunday night.
Frances said:
Hope, I felt as you do about a year ago after being diagnosed and before I got my meds all sorted out. I was so sick, was concerned about not being able to work and having to retire on disability. I had no social life etc. It was horrible.
I’m so much better now, physically and emotionally. I’m working full time and teleworking when needed. I have a full social life again and I’m even beginning an exercise plan this month ! That’s a big deal for me.
I’m not saying don’t be upset - damn it we all deserve to be upset ! I just hope you feel that it will get better. And always remember all of us here are just a click away - anytime. We all care very much and we’ve all gone through the same or similar situation.
You can also get a PsA mentor through the Psoriasis Foundation online at http://www.psoriasis.org/newly-diagnosed/one-to-one. I signed up for a mentor and they matched me within 48 hours. I still chat with my mentor from time-to-time.
(The methotrexate tablets made me so sick and exhausted I had to stop taking them. I was in bed for 2 days. I never tried the injection and I’m going to ask my rheumy about it this month).
Here is a little known fact: some antibiotics have the rare side effect of causing suicidal thoughts.
This is a side effect I've experiences personally several times. A friend, it turns out, has the same reaction to some antibiotics, and told me. It was a huge relief, and now I'm prepared if I'm on antibiotics.
It's rare, so everyone don't freak out. But Hope, it just might be contributing to your feelings.
Hope said:
Thanks everyone, I've been on anti-depressants since 1991 and see a therapist, it just hasn't helped. I'm feeling better today because it has warmed up a bit and the sun is out. I'm on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection which is helping and eating plenty of yogurt.